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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27243409">Impulsive 2</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llixale/pseuds/Llixale'>Llixale</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Impulsive [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:09:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,262</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27243409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llixale/pseuds/Llixale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Back in his original dimension, Sam is not the same man anymore. He'll have to convince both his ex fiance and himself about that however.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Impulsive [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. In his hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Reading Impulsive may be useful to understand what is going a little more.<br/>The Sam from this dimension has been called Samuel in the previous story to differentiate him from the (regular) Sam but in this story, he'll be called Sam by most people.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hand on his shoulder felt more foreign and heavier than it really was, even if <em>he </em>held him like you would have to cut his arm before he let Sam out of reach again. It has been the closest they came to  actually talk in what? Five years maybe. They hadn’t even exchanged words to each other yet, but they had been in the same discussion minutes earlier and it had been Samuel actual demise.</p>
<p>He couldn't believe his double would do him dirty like that...Well, he actually could, because he did worse. In his double's world, Steve Rogers was his best friend and Buchanan Barnes, his soon to be lover. In his own world, this one, he killed Barnes and betrayed Steve, the man he was actually planning on marrying down the line.</p>
<p>Just because Samuel saw how different things could have been didn’t mean he suddenly saw the light or the errors of his ways. It didn’t meant he regretted what he did.</p>
<p>He was just...thinking about it.</p>
<p>It had made sense back then to kill Barnes and all these brainwashed assassins with him but like Sam-the-second said, it didn’t brought Riley back. No, that was right, Riley was still dead, but it felt good, even if it didn’t brought closure and he made an enemy out of his most of his team as well as fucking up his future marriage.</p>
<p>Said part of his old team team were currently looking at him with disgust or hostility.</p>
<p>Well, during these five years they bumped head a lot and definitely had bad blood between them so he was used to it anyway. Besides, they better savored this feeling, it would not last for long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The catch today is quite good” Romanov said with a threatening smile, her intentions clear and shared with the Scarlet Witch next to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Further away, the Black Panther, Shuri this one, Barton and Hope Van Dyne were standing, making sure there was no escape for Sam to use, should he try.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have been waiting for so long...” Steve said, if he was aiming for emotionless, he failed, this man was in pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It would be almost laughable now that it could be Steve’s turn to get his revenge. He could execute him here and now and no one would lift a single finger. Has he dreamed about this like Sam dreamed of killing the Winter Soldier back then?</p>
<p>He counted, six, five, four, three...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry” he said right before the warehouse windows exploded, Vision and Scott Lang coming inside thought them (and through part of the wall for Vision). Then came the large doors and it was Ava, Daisy and Monica.</p>
<p>He lift one hand right then, ordering them to hold their position without engaging the battle. He tried to turn to face Steve but the hand on his shoulder was rigid and he was radiating furor at this very moment. After a second try, Steve let him move so they could be face to face. “I can’t let you kill me today” he said softly, a tone he almost forgot how to use with Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I could snap your neck before any of them could reach me”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam thought of the other Steve, so close to how this one was before he fucked him up royally. This was his doing. He pushed Steve to become like this, tainted him like Hydra couldn’t even manage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In a few days I’ll come to you, we could talk, just you and me”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Steve said in total disbelief. He had super hearing so he knew he heard right but it was probably Samuel’s audacity that surprised him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Or we end this now” Natasha proposed, clearly ready to fight her way out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You expect me to let you go and believe that you will find me? You’re even crazier than I thought”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just need time to think, Rogers. You saw him, them, you get it, don't you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fire in Steve eyes was still there but he stopped the starring contest for a second before plunging his eyes right back in Sam’s. He was torn but had to take a chance one way or the other. Samuel knew this Steve had talked to the other Sam long enough that he had been convinced to help him. This could play to his advantage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You really are shameless” Steve accused, seeing right through him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was, Sam actually agreed with him. He was relying on feelings they both had buried six feet under a long time ago without even knowing what conclusion he was supposed to reach in the end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Three days. Don’t let me have to come to you”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Avengers team protested very vocally but Sam ignored them. He choose to let himself be as honest as he could “Thank you”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Three days, Wilson, after that I’m bringing hell to you, no matter where you are” Steve made an arm movement and his team started to retreat, walking out not without nasty looks and some mutual death glare, Gael’s unconscious body carried by Wanda telepathically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he was sure they were out, Sam let out a long audible breathe, closing his eyes in relief, he let his own team come to him, hundreds of questions on the lips but here wasn’t the place and he needed somewhere safe to share this story.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The team ended up at Scott’s place since he was the closest and his daughter wasn’t with him this week but not before buying some drinks and snacks, they weren’t about to raid the guy. Then, Sam explained what happened to him when he followed Gael through the portal, meeting the Sam from the other dimension and then these versions of Steve and James Barnes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you kill him again?” Scott asked, which was basically what they all wanted to know first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Err. No. He...the circumstances were different. This Sam wasn’t with his Riley nor has he ever been with his Steve. His Barnes didn’t kill Riley so they...You know”</p>
<p>They didn’t.</p>
<p>“They fancied each other”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The admission got different kind of reaction. From incredulity (Daisy), mockery (Scott, Ava) to painful compassion (Vision and Monica). He continued his story and how difficult it has been to see past his own experience as if it was universal. He had to quickly work with two people he wanted nothing to do with, and if it has been quite easy to avoid this Steve, his doppelgänger relation with Barnes made that impossible for the later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s so many version of us, it’s not surprising” Vision noted “Have you seen the other versions of people you know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, Sam is an Avengers for starter, I know, I know, I saw the Scarlet Witch, way less murdery. Oh, and she is apparently dating this version of you Viz, so, congrats, I guess”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vision was apparently so shocked, his human appearance disappeared completely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Other than that, I believe Scott is an Avenger too, and may or may not be dating that girl Hope”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Awesome” the Ant Man said, quite proudly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But weirdly enough, none for the ladies” Sam shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Monica seemed relieved about the idea but Daisy and Ava were disappointed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyway, what’s up with Rogers and this three day thing?” Monica asked, serving Ava and herself some apple cider.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, that was the one million dollar question “I am not sure. I just feel like I need to...reach out, or something”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wilson, do not bang Rogers”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yep” Ava agreed with Monica “Do not. Or do, people like hate sex, but then, kill him or something, after”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vision decided to give an advice too “It would be quite ill advised”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Guys come on, Sam would never” Daisy intervened, she had faith in her leader “besides, Steve would kill <strong>him</strong> before he could try anything like that”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am not trying to have sex with him” Sam explained through this teeth, an idea that managed to not pop up in his mind at all until now.</p>
<p>Sex?! With Steve?! Nah, that would be ridiculous. No way.</p>
<p>“The most important thing is that I don’t want Ross in on this. Since his trial is approaching he is even creepier than usual”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam redirected the conversation on their soon to be ex director. He wondered what this would mean for them, Ross was the one who created and pushed for this whole team thing but in a few weeks, he would get fired, that was for sure. His little secrets human experimentation as well as his failed schemes to capture the Hulk, again, ended up backfiring on his flat crusty ass.</p>
<p>The team avoiding most of the heat was a result of both luck and Ross own doing since he didn’t trust them enough to involve them in his shady projects. Sam wasn’t mad about that at all, he never tried to get close to him and knew from day one how to navigate him to be mostly left alone. Ross had been one of the first reasons this team and the Avengers couldn’t stand each other. That and the fact that Sam almost broke the Avengers when he left them to associate himself with Ross.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he left Scott’s place, Monica started to walk with him instead of calling for a taxi. Sam had no intention of walking to his own place but he figured she wanted to talk to him privately. The neighborhood mostly had the exact same type of houses, down to the shade of shell white used to paint them, he wondered why Scott decided to live here specifically. Fifteen minutes from there was the train station he would take to get home which let enough time for his colleague and friend to speak her mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m actually glad you decided to talk to him but what are you aiming for here, Sam?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I honestly don’t know” he said truthfully, then he allowed himself to expand on this answer in a rare show of vulnerability “I am completely in shock Mon’. This shit was...I swear at first I thought I died and got in Hell. Me, with my fucking enemy? Steve being my best friend? Girl...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed softly “I can only imagine. But was it all that bad? Was this Sam happy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was. He really was. Okay, I have a secret, you better not tell anyone, we good?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh? My favorite kind. Tell me, I won’t tell a soul” she responded, grabbing Sam arm to link it with hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The Black Panther, Shuri. She got a brother yeah? The one she shares the mantle with”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Trevon? No, it ain’t righ. T...Bone?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“T’Challa”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah! Same. Just as unpleasant. So?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam smiled to her with a small wiggle of his brow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You did not” she gasped, unsure if he was playing with her or not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh. I did. Several times. Got a little fuzzy ass and likes to drink champagne in unconventional ways” he remembered, his neither region peaking up in interest and making the walk slightly less comfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed again, the locks framing her face shaking with it “You’re so messy”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what he said”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once they went their separate way, Sam took a deep breath, this moment felt different, full of possibilities but what was he supposed to do now? For the first time in years, he clearly saw another path for him and it was both exciting and scary.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The first day, Sam avoided thinking about the other dimension and Steve altogether. He had enough paperwork and training to not give a single fuck about his situation.</p>
<p>The rapport needed to be accurate but he committed some details, irrelevant to the mission at task. Ross may be a little pissed since technically Sam had the criminal in his hand and the Avengers still managed to be the one presenting him to the legal authorities. That was on him thought, his poor relationship with Rogers has led to this sort of failure.</p>
<p>It shouldn’t have mattered that much which team got him in the end but he had known since the start that doing what was just and necessary came second to counting points in the eyes of many.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The second day, he allowed himself to stop and think about what he expected from meeting Steve. There was no way he would ever forgive him for killing Barnes and Sam wasn’t asking for that either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which brought him to his next question, was killing him the only way?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No. It was not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Would he do it again if he could go back to the past.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe. He didn’t know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few weeks ago he would have killed every iteration of the Winter Soldier through the multiverse without much hesitation but now he thought it wouldn’t make much sense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the third day, he was determined to talk to Steve, still not knowing what exactly he wanted to say. His plan went to shit because someone decided to abduct him. Okay, they weren’t aiming for him per say but for Vision and he couldn’t let their resident Android be taken. Besides, even if they have managed to get Vision, they would have been disappointed anyway. Sam knew exactly what they were after, they all knew, and they had made sure a while ago that <em>they</em>, no matter who <em>they</em> were, would not get that Infinity Stone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The stone on Vision’s forehead was not <strong>the stone</strong>, something Sam would have gladly informed them beforehand if they had listened, or asked.</p>
<p>In a sense, he couldn’t exactly blame them for mistaking, one, very few people knew what the stones looked like and two, Vision did have the same energy signature as this intergalactic piece of creation because of his “birth”.</p>
<p>Thing was, whoever the alien leader was decided that Sam had no use, to which Sam agreed, thought instead of bringing him back to Earth, he ended up on a foreign planet named Sakaar. Before he could escape he got drugged, then sold to some random alien, had an electric collar around his neck and made a gladiator.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It did not sit well with Sam at all. The whole thing made him livid and beyond furious but after five or six electric chocs, he learned his lesson.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He would wait for the perfect time, one way or another, to snap their thick white neck in two. They resembled a human but had paper white skin, entire red eyes and three fingers. Darius, it was their name, was a known master there and his gladiators always performed well, until they didn’t and a part of them ended up in one of the most disgusting room Sam ever saw, bits of people with a name under them stuck to the wall, some even had a picture over the frame.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam knew very little about these gladiators beyond “Kill or be killed” which was about to be quite complicated considering that all type of people and creatures could be sent in the Arena.</p>
<p>Weirdly enough, Darius had some consideration for the fighters he “owned”, the same way you would give a pet a nice toy every now and then probably. After Sam survived his third encounter, Darius gave him a brand new suit. The wings served only as weapon instead of flying but there seemed to have some kind of propulsory system on his back and the side of his legs too.</p>
<p>It wasn’t an act of kindness, the shock collar was here to remind him, and after seeing a gladiator try to run away and have their head blown out, he knew better than feeling thankful for whatever Darius provided him with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fifth outing was a battle royal mode where you had to make other contestant fall in the water to eliminate them (and give them such a nasty shock because of the collar, a lot of them would die of it) until only six of them were left. The terrain was different this time, a large circular pillar was in the center, the public in floating bleachers all around and above.</p>
<p>When they all got on the field, he saw them, The Hulk and Thor, the Asgardian prince, talking to each other with a smile as if they weren't in the same predicament than everyone else. That said, their collar looked the same than the rest of the gladiator and there was no way this could hurt the God of Thunder nor the Hulk, so maybe they were just enjoying this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Neither of them liked Sam and when their eyes met, Thor seemed simply surprised but the Hulk groaned and showed his teeth, fully turning to Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, shit” he whispered, trying to establish any kind of strategy in the few minutes it would take for the round to start. He saw them speak again and point at him and Sam felt his soul leave his body. He didn’t want to be electrocuted to death, neither did he want them close enough to him to touch him but if  his weapons would not be good enough to hurt them first, some of the other contestants definitively would.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once the fight started, Sam immediately hide behind some of the most vicious being there, making sure they would be on Thor or Hulk’s way. It gave him the opportunity to identify three aliens able to resist an attack from them.</p>
<p>The second part of his plan was to make sure these three would stay on board till the last part. This would increase his chance to direct their anger toward the two inconsiderate heroes. It hadn’t been easy, Sam took a nasty hit in the ribs as well as in his left shoulder, but they were down to ten and he wasn’t done yet.</p>
<p>Too bad Thor closed on him before the end though, his powerful hand tight against Sam’s throat, barely letting any air in. He broke Sam's new right wing without batting an eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you think Steve would be mad if I bring him your head without the rest of your body?” Thor asked with obvious glee. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam had met Banner, when he joined the Avengers, but never the Hulk and he hadn’t met Thor either so he had nothing to offer to convince him not to kill him. However, coming from someone who protected his genocidal brother, he finds it a little bit hypocritical to feel that strong against him.</p>
<p>That was it, he would die on a foreign planet in a battle like hundreds before him. He guessed he had it coming, so he stopped struggling, keeping his eyes in Thor’s. He thought about Steve, nothing in particular, maybe his eyes, the cold stare they had now when there has been so much warmth in it before.</p>
<p>It ignites something in him, something desperate as the air got even rarer. He grabbed a piece of his broken wing and stabbed Thor’s collar. It sent the God’s powers in a uncontrollable eruption and thunder hit Thor, finishing to make the collar explode, projecting Sam in the air and roll until he fell from the platform, barely managing to grab its edge with one hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He heard a loud whistle and the announcement of the end of the battle but something wasn’t right and he could see the public starting to run away panicked, electricity hitting the platform and a lot of screams. One of the bolt got Sam and his hand gave out, making him fall toward the water bellow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In a desperate attempt, he planted his remaining wing in the platform’s wall a few inch before hitting the water. The movement was hard on his back and he almost screamed but needed to keep his calm now more than ever. Sweat was falling in his eyes but he had to push through. Two of his repulsors were kaput but soon, someone should come collect the fallen bodies.</p>
<p>He waited despite the pain but wasn’t disappointed when he saw the small boat-like transport hovering above the water and someone grabbed the bodies to put them inside. He also used a weird tool that opened the collar that he put back into a large bag. The alien hadn’t notices him so when he passed under Sam, he abandoned the wings and fell right on him, quickly snapped his neck and threw the body in the water before rushing to the tool he used. He tested it on one of the dead bodies and once satisfied, did it on himself, finally free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His troubles weren’t over however. Beat, bruised and in pain, he had to escape, a Falcon after all was never made to be in a cage.</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam was trying to find a way to come back to earth but his health was degrading with the start of a fever that he had no way to take care of here. The fact that he could breathe was already a miracle but to have people speak his language and all may be pushing it, Darius had been an exception. He couldn’t give up now, he survived being enslaved (still enraged about it by the way), other gladiators and Steve’s friends, he had to survive this fever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It made him sloppy however, not as focused as he should be, and the ship he tried to steal already had someone inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you thing you’re doing?” the woman asked him, the blade of a sword right against his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He turned slowly, she looked like a light skinned black woman but something about her told Sam she wasn’t from the same planet as him. A warrior, clearly, and one with little patience it seemed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just want to go home” he answered truthfully, wiping the sweat pooling on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I look like a cab to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. But I need help. Please” he pleaded, not afraid to raise his arms in surrender and getting on his knees, the sword still pointed to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was unconvinced “No. I am waiting for some friends before going to Earth, I don’t have the time to care about wherever you want to go, get off my ship”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, wait, wait! I’m going to Earth too” Sam smiled, “Please, I have to go back. I got abducted by accident” he insisted, ready to beg, once again whipping his somehow already wet forehead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Val!” Someone called “We’re here!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The woman, probably the Val in question and Sam both had to turn their head to look at the newcomers. Smiling excitedly like he was in the best mood possible, Thor appeared, still in his gladiator armor but without the collar. Right behind, Bruce, looking like his regular human self with a thin brown blanket over his shoulders, visibly no real clothes underneath except for a brown short holding on his hips for dear life. Sam wasn’t proud that his eyes went directly on the exposed dark pubes but in his defense, they were there right at eye level.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You!” Thor threatened, immediately walking to Sam only to be stopped by Val. “Oh, this is actually perfect” he continued, licking his top lip, electricity dancing in his eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He is a traitor”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s uh...one of our friend’s ex” Banner tried to explain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay? Why are you so grumpy then?” She asked Thor, still with the death glare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So Thor told her the events from his point of view. Nothing that Bruce added actually helped view Sam in a more positive light so when Val turned to him and asked if he had anything to say, Sam answered negatively. It always was quite telling, when you heard your own story through someone else’s lenses. Thor, at his core, hold loyalty to a very high standard so for him, Sam betraying everyone and especially his lover, was shameful. Sam would have loved to dig deeper into his standard because it was a known fact that Thor was petty as hell, loved to get revenge for the most trivial things and should we o back to his brother? No? Okay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, he isn’t worse than your brother and you let him do as he pleases” Val shrugged, apparently enjoying getting on Thor’s nerves. Sam was glad someone finally said it.</p>
<p>Far from being scared of the God or in awe of his strength, she even looked quite amused. She wasn’t defending Sam at all as much as making Thor look at his double standards. Sam would probably like her a lot if he was able to keep in focus for more than a minute at a time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t care about Loki!” Thor defended himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bruce, who had previously decided to pretend to sleep in one corner of the ship, laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You cried on my armor when you thought he has been killed by Thanos” she calmly said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thor and Sam looked at each other and Sam pursed his lips but knew better than to say anything. He focused on himself instead, he hadn’t sustained any life threatening injuries, thanks to the suit, but he had been forced to abandon it when he left the coliseum to blend with the population.</p>
<p>His left arm would be a mess the next day and he was in no shape to run either. He must had one or two cuts on his face but they weren’t bleeding anymore so that was good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Can't we just kill him?" Thor tried again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Umh...No. We'll get him back on his planet and see how that work out for him, if he survives anyway" Val decided, already starting the engines. Her tones was one of finality so Thor glared at her, then at Sam and finally thought it was better to let go for now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two days of travelling was long, especially when you did with people hostile toward you. Luckily, his fever was getting better but on the other hand, the conversation came back to him several times.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know it wrecked him” Thor accused when Val had the good idea to wonder why Thor took the story between Steve and Sam so personally. “Not only did you lie to him but you went to Stark, Ross and this Baron Homo...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zemo. Baron Zemo” Sam interrupted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Shut up. Anyway he tried to talk to you and you went hiding in Ross’s pants. Then got a new team and we became old news while Steve had to loose both his best friend and his partner at the same time”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, that’s a bit cold” Val commented, preparing herself some kind of alien sandwich.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But eventually he snapped out of it, and got back to what he does best, helping people. He’s a little more tough now. Really Captain-y I’d say” Thor added, hesitantly during his last sentence, almost as if he realized that this wasn’t supposed to be how Steve would normally behave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam was aware of Bruce’s eyes on him and for a while, he was happy with just ignoring it but the prospect of letting Banner get frustrated with something and then Hulk out was kind of a no thank you kind of situation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I help you with something, Doctor Banner?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Well, maybe. There’s something I would like to ask you”</p>
<p>Sam waited, thinking that Banner would ask his question but he did nothing so Sam gave him his explicit permission.</p>
<p>“Was it worth it?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They kept their eyes on each other for a moment but Sam looked away first, jaw shut for another minute "Does it change anything?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Maybe it would"</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It has been a really long time since Sam has been inside the Avengers tower but it still managed to feel almost familiar. He was conducted as a prisoner in one of the common room where Wanda and Shuri were waiting for them and observed the team reunion in silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve’s coming” Wanda informed, less antagonistic than their previous encounters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even Shuri looked at him more like an inconvenience than their mortal enemy. That was weird but not unwelcome, even if they didn’t hide how little they thought of him. The wait was killing Sam to be honest, he didn’t care for any of them but knowing that Steve would be here was nerve wracking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you want some tea?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam looked at Bruce as if he had not one but two green heads suddenly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tea. For your nerves. Works for me” he said in an even tone that almost surprised Sam just as much as the proposition itself.</p>
<p>He was so shocked by it he just gasped at the scientist unable to answer a simple yes or no.</p>
<p>“I take that as a yes” Banner answered himself, walking away under the perplexed eyes of his teammates.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cup felt good in Sam’s hand but there must have some cuts inside his mouth because it kind of stung a little at first. He still drank until it was empty, thanking Banner for his hospitality.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know a thing or two about anger as you know. How destructive it is and in a lot of cases, you can’t go back to how things were before, doesn’t mean that you can’t try to be better, don't you think?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That made Sam frown, why would Bruce give him advice? Why would he even talk to him? What was his goal here? He stared at the man without answering but his mind was racing to evaluate every possibilities to justify his world. Weren't they past the point of non-return anyway? He fucked up, there was nothing to do about it now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Steve came in the room, everything went silent, his presence was commending and when he looked at Sam like he was less than nothing, it did broke something in him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t kept you promise” Steve said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I got captured and send on an alien planet. I couldn’t make it there earlier”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that so?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was on Sakaar with us, this is true” Bruce explained “Clearly not on his own will”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good thing Banner said something, Sam thought, because Steve would have thought it was just a poor excuse at best and a lie at worst. That said, if he wanted to have a conversation with Steve, he couldn’t let him think for a second that he was lying about anything so Sam proposed something that made his own stomach flip in protest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe you can make something that will guarantee you that I’m telling the truth and we can have that talk?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve took a step in his direction but he was still out of reach, not that Sam wanted to reach for him physically anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you understand what you are suggesting, Wilson?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I do”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay then. Shuri, Bruce?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have just the thing. You have an hour” Shuri told before presenting Steve with what looked like a clear liquid in a transparent pill that she had on her already.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve observed the pill in his palm for a second then presented it to Sam without emotion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One hour...fuck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam took the thing, swallowed it and opened his mouth to show that he wasn’t bluffing. He felt a warmth in his body and his vision blurred for a second before going back to normal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s the mind stone?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before Sam could even begin to wonder what did that have to do with anything, he said “We asked Stefen Strange to deal with it”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He blinked, gobsmacked that Steve would take advantage of him this way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shuri, Wanda, you’re on it”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two women quickly disappeared and Sam was not having it “The fuck was that for?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just wanted to check that this was already working. Well, let’s get somewhere private, shall we?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is sick”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whose fault is that?” Steve asked, prompting Sam to answer “Mine”. “Exactly. Don’t forget it, Wilson”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve led the way to an office with a large black couch, instead of sitting at the desk, Steve sat on the couch so Sam followed, letting an healthy distance between them. Steve appeared unbothered but Sam was scared. Who knew what Steve could ask and get away with?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The silence started to stretch uncomfortably, seconds turning into minutes under the blue eyes of a man he once knew so well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you think I could kill you, Sam?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It made Steve’s perfect mask crack for a second, his right hand turning into a fist, if anything it comforted Sam in his answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think I would kill someone I wanted to marry?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“With what I have done to you? Yes, without hesitation”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have a low opinion of me” Steve said more to himself than to Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I saw your Shield cut the neck of people who wronged you on two separate occasion and none of them killed your best friend”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve laughed at that “The great Sam Wilson, leader of the Thunderbolts, scared of me? Is this why you hide from me for so long?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s only part of the reason but yes” Sam answered, almost surprised at his own words. This pill would take the truth out of him whether he was aware of it or not it seemed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It peeked the other man curiosity, repositioning himself so he had one leg on the couch and his whole body turned toward Sam “What’s the full reason then?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shame, fear that I had made the wrong call. It was easier to convince myself that I was right as long as we didn’t talk. Then I became uncomfortable with what you became and I knew my role in this. I hated it”</p>
<p>It annoyed Sam that he admitted having some doubts, at least he did for the first few weeks after he murdered Barnes, after that he decided there was no point in dwelling on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, do you understand why what you did was unforgivable?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The answer took a lot of time before the words fought their ways past Sam’s lips. It wasn’t that he was fighting it but the answer was complex in his mind and even if he had to say something, didn’t mean he couldn’t try to choose his words to make it more accurate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I regret doing this to you. Regretted it long before going through that portal” Sam answered in a breathe “I wish I could have had my vengeance without hurting you”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Too late for that” Steve commented bitterly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam stayed silent, actually agreeing with Steve on this. Regretting it now did nothing to right his wrong but a case could be made about how talking together now wouldn’t change anything from the past for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am sorry, Steve. Really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Even with that pill, I don’t believe that”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Believe what you want. That’s just the truth”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A smile made its way on Steve’s face and somehow, it felt genuine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re incredible, still managing to be a smartass even now. You know, I wanted you to regret what you did, I wanted you to realize that what you did was wrong and now...I think I hate you even more”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam didn’t have any kind of hope that he would be able to make things better with Steve, maybe he secretly thought that he would either be killed or fighting with him so much he would go on another six years of anger and hate. All he got was deception and bitterness. He didn’t know why he tried to reach for Steve’s hand but when the blond jerked it away as if Sam was the worse poison ever, he stayed there, looking at the now empty space for long seconds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m leaving” Sam whispered, it was enough for Steve to pick it up anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think I’m going to let you walk away just like that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam got up and looked at him “If you don’t want to kill me, then what do you want?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m the one asking the questions here”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at each other but Sam had no intention indulging in a stupid fight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do I make things better for you, Steve? Tell me. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can you bring my Bucky back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was no point in continuing this conversation, Sam knew it, but Steve didn’t seemed decided to let him go either. Almost six years of resentment turned the best man Sam knew into this broken human and he needed to find a way to fix it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was in an internal conflict but if he didn’t want to kill Sam, his only options would be to keep in locked somewhere or to let him go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leave now before I change my mind. I don’t think I want to see your face ever again anyway”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam left immediately, on autopilot. More than the words, it was the hated Steve radiated that hurt Sam the most, no amount of sorry would change that. Can you bring my Bucky back? Steve had asked, of course no he couldn’t, he thought, he couldn’t go back to the past and... Go back to the past...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stopped outside of the Avengers tower in shock, maybe he had a card to play.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Guess who's back?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam is a man with a plan but there's consequences.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There's mention of dark thoughts and elements and things done to dead bodies, fyi.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So you’re the reason they desperately try to break in my home?” Stephen Strange asked, fuming cup of tea in hand.</p><p> </p><p>Sam had no idea what room this was supposed to be but it looked like an antique shop, except that what was sold could easily kill you in more ways than one.</p><p> </p><p>“Truth pill would to that to you, man. Sorry, I should have known better but I had to make them trust me or it wouldn't have gone anywhere”</p><p> </p><p>The house was quiet despite being in the middle of New York. Magic did wonder to hide him from most of the unwanted company, which is why Sam managed to get in and Shuri and Wanda were still outside despite going all out for more than twenty minutes. The Sorcerer Supreme was unbothered, finding amusing that The Avengers thought that he would give them the Infinity Stone. The second he would get them out of here, their energy would probably be traced and attract the wrong crowd, he was the best choice to keep an eye on the Time Stone and Sam knew it. He wasn't here to take it back anyway.</p><p> </p><p>To explain his request, Sam had to tell Strange more about him that he had been keen on doing until now. They worked together a few times already but their relationship was not yet at the “Can I ask you a favor that could get you fired?” type. If there was a pre-friendship stage, that probably would be it.</p><p> </p><p>“Of all the things you could ask me, bringing back your ex’s dead friend that you killed yourself is...a choice. Do you understand how you could mess up the timeline in a major way? If you prevent yourself from killing Barnes, you will erase this reality, the Time Stone does not create alternative timeline” Strange warned over his cup that he sipped obnoxiously from the tip of his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a plan, the only thing I have trouble with is that everybody needs to be convinced, me included, that the body I am showing to Ross and Tony is Barnes. Shit. I have to take care of the rest of them too, I can't really just get him and leave the rest to die, can I?”</p><p> </p><p>Strange floats to one of his windows that give to places that are definitely not New York.</p><p> </p><p>“I like you Wilson, I believe your heart is somewhat in the right place, but the price for my help will be high, very high. And you’ll need to do exactly as I say without question”</p><p> </p><p>With fierce determination, Sam accepted. Whatever it took, he was going <strong>to try</strong> to right his wrongs.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The first thing was to actually help Strange with something he couldn't do alone: Find and collect Dragon's diamonds. These diamonds were highly concentrated in magic and could be used in a multitudes of ways, which made them very valuable. The problem was that Dragon were smarter than most humans, dampened magic around them and knew exactly how valuable the diamonds actually were. Most people wouldn't try to go into their lair, find the equivalent of their toilet and go hand deep in corrosive and offensively smelly shit to find them.</p><p>Strange couldn't possibly deal with the dragons alone without magic, so here came Sam, used as bait while Strange looked like he was at the farmer’s market, gauging stones after stones with his little basket.</p><p>After an hour of almost being eaten or burned alive, Sam felt an incredible relief when Strange gave the signal to escape, even if it actually alerted more of these flying lizards. Good things Sam's wings weren't magical but it has been enough of a close call that Sam got shaky legs for a few minutes after that.</p><p> </p><p>“Got what you need?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, thank you. We should do that again, Wong always refuses”</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder why” Sam groaned, following the Sorcerer and dreaming about a good shower. There was just no way he ever did this again. Steve could go fist himself with Barnes's bones or something. He regretted the whole idea, even if it had been his, that's how traumatized he was currently.</p><p> </p><p>Stefen showed a small diamond compared to the others, it had the size of a peanut and a yellow-ish tint.</p><p> </p><p>“This, my friend, is going to be the heart of the doppelgängers we are going to make. Next are the bodies”</p><p> </p><p>What Strange meant by that was to find a freshly deceased body, and by fresh, it had to be from less than twenty minute, and they had to be a virgin. Not <em>that</em> kind of virgin, that would be silly, magical virgin. Do you know how difficult it is to find someone who hasn’t been affected by magic in their entire life in New York? And not just once for Barnes but for the four others Soldiers the squad had.</p><p>Strange gave him an artifact that acted like a compass. Sam would need to find the bodies it led to then touch them with the magical glove he received too. That glove would teleport the bodies into Strange’s home but it drained on Sam’s spiritual energy each time which made him more prone to magical attacks. According to Strange, it was vital that Sam was the one to find them and teleport them but he wouldn't exactly explain why beside "That's part of the ritual"</p><p> </p><p>So, Sam needed to find five bodies in total and it actually took him more than a week for that. It didn't really mattered what they looked like, apparently. What Stefen  showed Sam more or less looked like someone erasing the features of a doll before painting something new.</p><p>The first time he actually found a candidate, the police was already there which meant accessing the body impossible for what he wanted to do.</p><p> </p><p>The second time, he managed to reach the body, a way too young looking woman who died from an overdose a her place, and send it away. He took a few minutes to look at her living room, her family and friends would forever wonder where she may be, if she was still alive or not and Sam just robbed them of that.</p><p> </p><p>What he was doing was fucked up, he knew, but he wasn’t killing them himself, just giving them new purposes to save someone else. He was ready to violate their body in death to correct a mistake he did himself, adding dog shit on top of dog shit.</p><p> </p><p>The third time was someone working for Hydra so he didn’t felt bad and unfortunately for him, that one felt under Sam’s own bullet.</p><p> </p><p>What should have been fourth made Sam go “Nope” because it was a young mother of two victim of an accident in her apartment and while he definitively believed that her family finding the body like that could be traumatizing, he refused to take that one.</p><p>So, fourth became a random homeless person. Not that their life mattered less, he'll have plenty of time to reflect on that later.</p><p> </p><p>The last one was an agent working with the Thunderbolts. Sam had been of missions with him two time and he died during an hostage situation.</p><p>When Strange saw Sam arrive half an hour after receiving the last body, he could tell the man was shaken pretty badly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not too late to return them, Sam”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I’ll go through this. I can’t...I’m so messed up. Steve is going to kill me for real once he knows what I’ve done, oh my god”</p><p> </p><p>“Well. He doesn’t need to know" Strange hesitated to tell him to take a few minutes to collect himself but changed his mind and continued "Anyway, to prepare the bodies we need to get DNA from the Soldiers”</p><p> </p><p>Awesome, after stealing bodies, Sam needed to either go find where the bodies of each Soldiers was buried or steal the samples from the government.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take care of it” he said to Strange before walking away once more, his head already trying to figure out how to do it. Having to focus on that meant not focusing on stealing dead people.</p><p> </p><p>Despite leading the team, Sam didn’t have the kind of clearance necessary to access the sample bank. The government collected the DNA of billions of people and it was only a matter of time before this fell in the wrong hands, he believed. His own hands felt into that category probably.</p><p> </p><p>That said, he needed help, and who was better to steal from the government than a thief and someone who could walk through walls?</p><p> </p><p>Scott looked at him with his smile disappearing a little bit more after each passing seconds while Vision stood stoically next to him.</p><p> </p><p>“They have what?! What the hell would they need that for?”</p><p> </p><p>“Scott, listen, I don’t care about the ethics of it right now, I need a favor. Can I count on you two or not?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean you can, but come on... DNA samples?!”</p><p> </p><p>Vision still hadn’t agreed to do anything “What do you need them for?”</p><p> </p><p>“To correct the biggest mistake of my life” Sam admitted, still not being precise enough because Vision got the wrong idea.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to make clone of whoever this is?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I’m just...Listen, all I can tell you right now is that it will serve to save people and that I need to get that as soon as possible and without anyone else knowing. Please”</p><p> </p><p>Vision continued to silently judge Sam for a moment before nodding. Sam thanked him but he knew he was on thin ice with the Android, once again, he'll do something about later, they needed a good plan.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“You don’t need to be there for this, Sam, it will be visually disturbing I believe” Strange warned after Sam brought him what he needed for the last part.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Sam decided to stay, the least he could do was to face the reality of what he had asked Strange to do.</p><p> </p><p>To make it simple, Strange magically shaved the body of all their previous features and than used the DNA sample to remodel them.</p><p>Sam only puked once but it made him miss the end of it.</p><p>When he came back, Strange was sweating and five bodies where there, with basic clothes on them looking like they were sleeping.</p><p> </p><p>“They aren’t really alive, the magical heart gives the illusion and will make everything go smoothly for ten years or so. It will still create a paradox later down the line thought but the stone will take care of it”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I told you the stone doesn’t create alternate universes, it views time as a string so the second the past isn’t how it should be to stay on the right track, it will cut it. So when the you from the past discovers that the Barnes he wanted to save isn’t there, instead of branching into a new reality like other time travels method do, it will simply erase it”</p><p> </p><p>Sam gaped at Strange who had that “What did you think would happen?” look on his face. Once again, Sam was playing with forces he didn’t fully understood.</p><p> </p><p>The plan after that almost looked simple, go back to the past in Antarctica where the Soldiers were before, put on the beacon Strange gave him, make the switch and then go back to the present with the real bodies.</p><p> </p><p><strong>So, that’s what he did</strong>. He appeared near the Hydra base, the cold surprising him even if he already knew what to expect.</p><p>He had a day in advance on his initial schedule which let him took his time to make sure the base was empty, defrost the Soldiers and make the switch before finally bringing everyone to the present. He forced himself not to think about anything but his goal, he was so close he couldn't mess up.</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulation, Wilson” Strange said, putting all the bodies in stasis in the middle of the living room “what now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, the other Sam and Barnes told me that Wakanda helped him with his brain but he already had broke free of the brainwashing by the time he got there so... I’ll ask for the Black Panther’s help. I don’t think we should use magic for this. No offense”</p><p> </p><p>“None taken and you are right. The human psyche is a difficult beast and this isn’t my forte anyway” Strange agreed “Here, you can use this to wake them up when you are ready”.</p><p> </p><p>He gave Sam what looked like a small bottle of orange perfume that he’ll have to put on them to break the stasis.</p><p>As he said goodbye, he felt fear run in his veins considering what he would need to do next. It could either go okay, not even well, just <em>okay</em>, or he could have two teams against him by the end of it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Like any more-or-less-shady organizations, the Thunderbolts had access to various building and accommodations across the world. Sam decided that a farm in the middle of nowhere was the best idea to reunite two teams that fought each other more than a few times.</p><p> </p><p>He got his own team there half an hour before the time he gave the Avengers and used the delta to warn them that they were coming and that he invited them because he needed to talk to everyone in a neutral place. If Scott and Vision already knew this was coming, Ava, Daisy and Monica were way less receptive not only to the idea of bringing the Avengers here but also not being told what was going on prior to this, questioning Sam’s judgment.</p><p>He couldn’t blame them, but they should have been questioning his judgment from the start really.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s trust him, he protected us until now, right?” Scott proposed, and Sam wanted to hug him. Scott has been so loyal to him, not that the others hadn’t been, but Scott was truly a gem in his own right.</p><p> </p><p>And he used him.</p><p> </p><p>They heard the jet landing and could even see it from the front windows. It made Sam marginally better to see the Avengers in civilian clothes but for people like Thor or Wanda, it really wouldn’t change anything.</p><p>Steve knocked on the door and Sam opened it, forgetting to breathe for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“It better be for a good reason, Wilson”</p><p> </p><p>Once they all made it inside, you could feel the electricity in the air and it wasn’t just because of Thor. However, there was no room for a fight now.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you all for coming on such short notice” he started, his throat dry “I know I am in no position for asking your help on this but I believe our teams could work together in order to... Shit, sorry”</p><p> </p><p>“Someone is losing their nerves” Natasha commented.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right, I am beyond scared to be honest” he chuckled, looking at her less than sympathetic face “It will be better if you go see for yourself in the rooms at the end of the hallway”</p><p> </p><p>They stayed there at first, probably a little confused or not trusting Sam enough to let him out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>Scott moved first, Hope and Wanda on his tails. Sam started counting in his head then Scott let a loud ”<strong>Holy Shit</strong>” and Hope called for Steve right after so the two teams moved to see what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>He heard some voice but couldn’t make anything out of it over the sound of his trumpeting heart. He saw Steve’s fist coming thought, and let him hit him in the abs before his other hand closed around his throat.</p><p> </p><p>At first the two teams tried to intervene but Thor prevented them to.</p><p> </p><p>“<strong>What.does.this.mean?</strong>” Steve asked.</p><p> </p><p>Sam could feel the blood pumping in his head “I...brought them...from the past”</p><p> </p><p>Steve all but threw him against the wall and didn't care if something broke, obviously “<strong>Explain. Fast</strong>”</p><p> </p><p>And Sam did. He didn’t sugarcoat anything from the dragons to stealing bodies and then going in the past to steal more bodies. Well, now both his team and Steve’s looked at him like he was unhinged. He probably was.</p><p> </p><p>“They probably still are under the brainwashing Hydra did so...” he showed Steve the bottle “They will need help once they are awake”</p><p> </p><p>“Not from you”</p><p> </p><p>“Not from me” Sam confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>“Shuri, can you make sure we got the rights guys? I don’t trust him”</p><p> </p><p>“On it” she answered, going back to the Winter Soldiers.</p><p> </p><p>The room was silent as she worked. She concluded that they would need a few more test to check that wasn’t any fool play there, especially since Strange was involved.</p><p> </p><p>Sam was still on the ground while Steve kept his eyes on him in something that vaguely resembled disgust and incredulity.</p><p> </p><p>“We take them” Steve announced and, with some of the Thunderbolts help, quickly put the Soldiers in their jet.</p><p>He came back to the bottle, slowly taking it from Sam’s open palm. It looked like he wanted to say something but change his mind before leaving.</p><p> </p><p>Once the jet left, Sam allowed himself to put his head between his legs and cry, letting the pressure go before having to face his own team.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand why you didn’t tell us,” Monica said “but you should have. We would have found a better way. This isn't right”</p><p> </p><p>“Stealing dead bodies? Jesus, Sam!” Ava shook her head, sighted and left, hands in the pockets of her denim jacket.</p><p> </p><p>He had nothing to say, nothing to defend himself. Daisy wasn't even looking at him but Scott and Vision...they were disappointed and since he involved them without knowing the endgame, they were both starting to get pissed at him.  All he could do was hope he had made the right decision in the long run.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>*<span class="u"><em>A year  and seven months later</em></span>*</p><p> </p><p>Sam woke up in his little apartment in Harlem not knowing where he was at first. He turned on the light, everything was where it should be, the rain was still on but was light enough not to make any sound of the window.</p><p>The sun wasn’t up already and when he looked at the time on his phone he realized he could have slept more than an hour more. Seemed useless right now so he got out of bed to prepare a hot coco like his mother used to do.</p><p>Tears almost fell in the pot. <em>It's going to be one of these days uh?</em> He told himself, before trying to get it together.</p><p>He had a VA cession to take care of in the late afternoon so he felt confident enough, or maybe not confident enough based on your point of view, in taking two of the pills he kept in his drawer with the hot drink. He sat on his couch, put the thin blanket around himself and waited.</p><p> </p><p>Sam had believed, once he got fired from being a Thunderbolt, that he would be okay.</p><p>He still had (some) money, skills and a family. He didn’t know if he had friends left but Scott and Monica apparently still wanted him in their life so he was grateful. Despite that, he knew it would be challenging once he move out of their HQ and into this small place, disgraced, shameful and lonely. It should have made him feel better, to be back in his community, in the neighborhood he grew in, but it didn’t. Going from leading the Thunderbolts to ~nothing~ was a little hard on him. People had opinions about him to this day.</p><p> </p><p>He had been very lucky.</p><p>It was in no one's interest to reveal what happened with the Soldiers, especially since they were, according to Monica, no longer weapons and learned to have their own life. He didn't dare to ask what they would do now but one thing was clear, most of them wanted nothing to do with Hydra or even fighting but the way Monica said that seemed to imply that they wouldn't keep low and out of troubles for very long. She had her doubts about adjusting in this world when you had the skill to kill someone in sixty different ways eyes closed. Weirdly enough, no one tried to come to him to kill him but he knew for a fact that they knew exactly what happened to them.</p><p> </p><p>Going to a therapist had been a good decision one month in his new life, when there was more bad days than good but he thought it would be over by now. Turns out, just because you have been depressed before it didn’t mean it would be easier the next time it happened, uh, it sucked.</p><p> </p><p>He tried not to hear about the whole superhero stuff and Monica did respect that so they never spoke about it besides giving him news about how Daisy was doing as the new leader or the Soldiers eventually.</p><p>Scott on the other hand had a secret of his own that he had wanted to share with Sam from the start, or at least, once he forgave Sam for what he did.</p><p> </p><p>“You remember how you said that I was dating Hope Van Dyne in the other dimension? Well, got me thinking...”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, don’t go to her with that...” Sam had half begged with a groan, still laying on his bed with an old t shirt and short that definitely should be washed soon.</p><p> </p><p>Scott sat next to him after coming uninvited (but not unwelcome)  “Already did. We have a date Wednesday!”</p><p> </p><p>The relationships between the Avengers and the Thunderbolts became healthier, thanks to Sam’s absence, but not yet to the point of not feeling like doing something forbidden by dating apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“Good luck, Tic Tac” Sam had genuinely said to his friend then, offering a smile that didn't even revealed his gap tooth.</p><p> </p><p>Now, a year and a few months later, they seemed to be doing quite okay even if Scott decided to push Vision and Wanda together without telling anyone but Sam. He always had these complicated schemes to get them next to each other "randomly". It made Sam laugh a lot, Wanda, not so much apparently and Vision was oblivious to the whole thing.</p><p>Scott told him that the Soldiers were doing good thanks to Wanda and Shuri, echoing what Monica at said too and that they had weird words to be “activated” that Wanda managed to get rid off. Good for them.</p><p>One thing the Ant Man wouldn’t talk about was Steve thought and Sam was grateful for that, he didn’t know how he would feel about it despite obviously thinking about him a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Was he happy now? Was Barnes okay? Could Sam ever look at himself in the mirror and not feel guilty? He was too afraid to ask.</p><p> </p><p>Funnily enough, while no Soldiers came to him, a few villains tried their luck at attacking him, thinking that since he wasn’t protected by the Government, it was their chance.</p><p>The first one caught Sam in a really bad depressive episode and for a moment, Sam thought it would be okay if everything stopped for him. His body didn’t get the memo and took care of the situation even if his brain wasn’t catching up. The second and third one quickly learned that, yeah, Sam was not doing great, but dying wasn't all that much on his list so they ended up spreading the word that he was miserable enough to be left alone (and still one hell of a fighter).</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Getting a new job at the VA hadn’t been easy and he refused to use his connections to get a job but he had a face and a name quite known anyway so the post he got may not have been granted solely on his merit as a  past counselor.</p><p>Some of the veterans judged the hell out of him, some didn’t care, some understood that no matter how small or big it looked, a battle was a battle. This job was making him feel useful and that was more than he thought he deserved. It wasn’t about the money (The Thunderbolt payed generously when they thought you may be dying in a close future) but he knew he had to have his mind focused on something otherwise he would have too much time to think and thinking was not doing him any favor, even if his therapist said the opposite. Why was he a counselor again? A blind leading the blind...</p><p> </p><p>Sex wasn’t the great escapism he thought it could be. He started seeing a dude named Erik, and Sam knew he wasn’t one of the good guy somehow, he could just taste it in the way the man kissed him. He was a generous lover, Sam believed that he was taking pride in making someone cum, but his instincts told him seeing each other every once in a while was already pushing it.</p><p>He also kind of started something that should have stayed a bootycall with his ex Misty, but it quickly started to move on into relationship territory because it was easy to slot into each other’s life. The thing was, they both felt lonely for different reasons and sometimes it was easier to stay near the warmth of a fiddle flame than to move on in the cold.</p><p>They called it quit once she get herself involved with two other men and she realized she might very much be bisexual too.</p><p> </p><p>Life was going on and today was one on one appointments with some of the vets. It wasn’t always easy to talk in groups so he had these cessions on Friday, generally, people who already came to one of his groups cessions.</p><p> </p><p>The woman leaving his office had a hard time processing that after all she has been through during her tour, her little brother still chose to enlist. He could see the scar tissue on her right arm almost everyday and yet still chose to go, which was crazy to her. She was thinking about bringing him to hear other stories so he could realize that this wasn’t just about her, that it didn’t took a war to loose a part of yourself.</p><p>Sam understood where she was coming from, if hearing all these people didn’t help him reconsider, he wondered what would work.</p><p> </p><p>His next appointment was only ten minutes later so he simply went to the bathroom then prepared some tea.</p><p> </p><p>He barely had the cup on his desk when someone knocked.</p><p> </p><p>James Barnes was in his office, slowly closing the door behind him. He no longer had the long hair but he definitely had some weapons on him despite the metal detector.</p><p><em>So, this is it</em>, Sam thought, <em>the moment I get to pay for my sins. I hope he will make it clean.</em></p><p> </p><p>James came closer until he was right in front of the desk and Sam just looked at his phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Before you kill me, can I tell Scott he gets my things? He’s a friend” he asked in a voice that sounded miserable even to his own ears. <em>Damn, this guy really was his best friend now, uh? </em>he realized, probably a little late.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not here to kill you”</p><p> </p><p>“No? Damn, I was ready” he joked in a tasteless meaner. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t exactly one hundred percent a joke, retirement in the superhero business was not some kind of peaceful walk in the park.</p><p> </p><p>“I can see that” James commented, actually taking the chair to sit without being prompted to. He looked a bit less glowing from within than the other Bucky, maybe the long hair was a look that worked for him more than the short one.</p><p> </p><p>“They told me who you are, what you did”</p><p>At first, Sam wanted to ask who was “they” but no matter the answer, this question would be a stupid one so he held his tongue.</p><p>“I still don’t know if I should say Thank you or Fuck you. But I guess...I understand. I can’t go back and fix what I did”</p><p> </p><p>“You were brainwashed” Sam commented in a way that sounded so much like the other Sam he wondered for a second if his brain hadn’t been hacked.</p><p> </p><p>“I was. But it didn’t matter when it became personal, did it? Very impressive by the way. I mean, I should beat you up for making Stevie suffer the way you did but you sure know how to get your revenge. Dramatic, just like this punk”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” Sam asked, tensing at Steve’s mention. Barnes was observing him, he knew, analyzing each of his reactions.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to meet the man that managed to change my best friend”</p><p> </p><p>Sam scoffed “Well, there’s nothing to see here, just a regular dude trying to help vets”</p><p> </p><p>“Regular is not something that should be applied to you, I believe” James said slowly “I’ll come”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Come where? No you won't” Sam add with way more energy than previously.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a vet. You’re helping vets”</p><p> </p><p>Sam’s eyes started to bulge at the mere idea that Barnes could appear around. His stress level went from zero to ten fast. Just what he needed, the man he killed, pretending to need help for some reasons. He liked his job here, he didn’t want to have to go somewhere else.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you...are you thinking about leaving? You have that look. I’m serious, you know, about getting help”</p><p> </p><p>Sam's voice was indignant and borderline petulant “You have the whole Avengers machine to help you, therapists, why would you come here?” </p><p> </p><p>Barnes felt silent a moment and Sam wondered if he even knew the answer but then he spoke “I also know about the other us”</p><p>Sam’s soul started to leave his body. He swore he could see himself in his chair, gaping at Barnes from the exterior of his own body. A scream build up inside of him and never made it past his mouth so a really weird aborted sound escaped him.</p><p>“I believe we must be linked somehow” Barnes added, once again, slowly as if he carefully choose his words.</p><p> </p><p>“<strong>I am NOT in love with you</strong>” Sam almost screamed, his voice unsteady and turning hysterical.</p><p> </p><p>Barnes laughed. At him. He was mocking him, all cranking eyes and hand taping his leg “This is not...No. Steve would kill us for real if that happened in this dimension too”</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I have another appointment so if you could just be on your way or something?” He said, in a hurry to close this topic as soon as possible, his fingers making the pen in his hand tap relentlessly against his desk.</p><p> </p><p>Barnes left the chair “Sure. See you soon, Wilson”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds like a threat”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes smiled at him and Sam felt a chill running through this body. No matter if that smile was genuine or not, it felt weird and not announcing anything good. He shouldn’t be stressed out like that but talking to the Barnes from the other dimension had been “easier” because he knew it wasn’t the one he killed. Talking to this guy tough was a whole other beast but a small part of him was proud to have managed to face him, even if it had been by surprise and he probably looked like he was loosing his whole damn mind.</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The following week, the ex Winter Soldier came to the group cession and silently sat there with sunglasses and a hat, only giving Sam a hello sign with his covered hand. He was hard to ignore but Sam remembered that he had to get his work going and not let his surprise show to much but his poker face seemed to be non existent suddenly. Nothing out of this ordinary happened, which made Sam even more stressed ans on his guards.</p><p>It continued just like that two times mores, Sam talking and James watching without a word. No one asked anything about him, it may have to do with the fact that others people were in the same boat. There was always two to three persons per cession who had no intention in talking, Sam never forced them, knowing that sometimes listening was what they needed instead.</p><p> </p><p>After the third time, the brunette stayed behind when Sam was cleaning up a little by putting the chairs together. Actually, he even helped too once he understood what Sam was doing.</p><p> </p><p>“You do a lot of good here”</p><p> </p><p>The chair in Sam’s hand slipped as he wasn’t expecting James to say anything. He took it back and put it away, staying with his back to him quite unsure if he should say something or not.</p><p> </p><p>“I am trying” he finally opted to.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you miss being a superhero?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s different” Sam answered, “both are needed, unfortunately”</p><p> </p><p>James went back to being silent until they were both outside of the old building. Night had fallen maybe an hour ago and Sam thought about where he could go to grab something to eat, starting to walk away without saying anything and then realizing two minutes later that James was still right behind him so he stopped, looked at him, frowned and resumed his walk. The message mustn’t have been clear because the other man still followed and even entered the Indian restaurant with him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, table for two?” The young woman asked them.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Of course not</em>” he thought “<em>I’m only here for a takeout</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes” James said and when Sam looked at him in shock he added “my treat” before grabbing him gently by the shoulder to push him in the direction of the waitress.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” Sam hissed at him, trying not to make a scandal in the restaurant.</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t you curious to know if we could at least be cordial with each other?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can be cordial with anyone, even the ones that decided to annoy me for no reason”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes took the menu and started reading “I don’t see things like that”</p><p> </p><p>“Should I care?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. This looks quite good” he said, purposely ignoring Sam’s pointed look.</p><p> </p><p>The only reason Sam entertained this was because he was hungry, let it be known. He had no intention to actually eat with this assassin (not that he was any better) but now that he actually entered the restaurant, he felt compelled to stay, seemed like the polite thing to do.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want, Barnes?” He asked in between two bites of his naan. It was difficult to sound as angry as he would like when the taste of food barely let you put your fork down.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you, I am curious. I think we could be friend. I forgive you by the way”</p><p> </p><p>“You...you forgive me?!” Sam repeated quite incredulous and with way for attitude than he should probably have right now but for some reason he found the announce quite ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>“I forgive you” James repeated again, looking right at Sam’s full of surprise brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“No. <strong>I</strong> forgive you”</p><p> </p><p>“No, Sammy, I forgive you for killing me”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t call me Sammy, we are not friends and I am the one forgiving you for killing my fiancé while brainwashed” he explained.</p><p> </p><p>Barnes seemed perplexed “I don’t think that’s quite right. I forgive you because you broke my best friend’s heart, lied to your team and put a bullet in my head while I was defenseless”</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh, Lord</em>, Sam was heated in this very second but the twinkle in Barnes’s eyes showed him that he wasn’t as serious as Sam initially believed. Still, this guy was shameless.</p><p> </p><p>“I forgive myself for saving your frozen ass and putting myself through this horrible diner”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes laughed with his whole mouth open and eyes closed “You always want to have the last word do you? Now I get why Steve is like that now. You are the exact same, I can only imagine the fights that you two had”</p><p>It brought some memories up to the surface, they bickered often but they actually never fought before the whole Winter Soldier thing. Even after that, you can’t fight with someone who refuse to acknowledge you.</p><p>“Do you miss him?”</p><p> </p><p>“No”</p><p> </p><p>“Liar”</p><p> </p><p>“Then why do you ask?”</p><p> </p><p>James shrugged before finishing his water “It was nice tonight, let’s do this again”</p><p> </p><p>“No, thank you”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so funny, see ya next week Wilson”</p><p> </p><p>Before Sam could insist that, <strong>no</strong>, he did not want to see that dude again, Barnes was already ready to pay for the two of them.</p><p>Once again he thought about that forgiving thing. Yes he was past seeing him as a deliberate murderer but he wasn’t about to be all buddy buddy with him, surely this wasn't such a wild position to have? He could only imagine what they told James about him but it made no sense the man’s take was to try to befriend (?) him. What could he possibly gain from it? What if that was an elaborate plan from James and Steve to get back at him?</p><p><em>I need to stay vigilan</em>t, he told himself, <em>and not fall for this</em>.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>In the following weeks, he looked at James like a hawk each time he decided to pop up at his work. He never hesitated to let him know he didn’t trust him, didn’t liked him and wanted nothing to do with him, even when he would pay for food.</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually you’ll have to recognize that I am just awesome and that I don’t have any ulterior motives”</p><p> </p><p>“You followed me into my place. I think that taste like evil”</p><p> </p><p>“I brought you a bucket of these chicken things and you already ate half of it”</p><p> </p><p>“Evil tastes quite good, I am not surprised”</p><p> </p><p>James laughed at him and his antics, managing to steal a piece for himself then the remote to change the channel. Sam let him but only because his fingers were greasy.</p><p>Okay, maybe that relationship wasn't exactly as one sided as one could believe but Sam wasn't ready to admit it, too scared to think this could work in any way shape or form.</p><p>“It’s your birthday next week”</p><p> </p><p>Sam licked his fingers “So?”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing? It will be the first birthday I can go to from my own will in this new century”</p><p> </p><p>If Sam had turned his neck any faster he would have snapped it himself “What makes you think I am going to do something? Hell, what makes you think I would want you there?” he blinked.</p><p> </p><p>“That attitude is getting old, you don’t hate me half as much as you say you do. Let’s just skip the part where you act like this is offensive and jump to the part where you tell me what you planned. If you don’t, I’ll find out myself and you don’t want that”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes was so cocky, so sure of himself that Sam had to be contrarian just for the sake of it</p><p>“Oh really? Then good luck Sherlock”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you serious?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep. If you find out what I’m doing for my birthday, you have an official invitation” He was doing absolutely nothing so the only idiot here was Barnes.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, game on, as the youth says”</p><p> </p><p>'The youths? I hate you so much" Sam commented while shaking his head then he pinched the bridge of his nose not to laugh too. No, he didn't get along with Barnes at all, he really didn't.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sam's birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The word that Sam was going to celebrate his birthday got spread was wildfire which was quite unbelievable considering that a lot of people talking about it seemed to actually not even like Sam all that much, at least, that was what Scott started with when he stomped into his apartment.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t understand," Lang complains, "you told me you didn’t want anything. You basically threatened me Sam, so how come I am not the one doing that party for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“You sound so mad” Sam laughed, he couldn’t stop it, Scott was just cute when he tried to be pissed.</p><p> </p><p>“I am!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, here’s the secret, I am doing absolutely nothing but I told you how Barnes started to show up at my job and apartment? This guy invented the whole thing all by himself. That’s his fault”</p><p> </p><p>Scott went silent for so long Sam wondered if he was still there “Sam...”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You sure you two...”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Don’t put this into the universe. The other me is already living this life and I am not interested <strong>at all</strong>”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, right. He is kind of cute I guess if you like the brooding type. I see him sometimes at the Avengers HQ, yes I have an entry now, and he is always so...not happy looking”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you can have him” Sam shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s kind of twisted you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“How? He is the one inventing a party”</p><p> </p><p>Scott did not appear quite convinced, not about the party nor about the nature of their relationship.</p><p>This whole thing should have alerted anyone who knew him anyway, Sam barely had any friends left so why would Barnes do a party for? It was just stupid and ridiculous. Besides, what was there to celebrate? The pounds he took because of depression? The new nightmares? The way the barber fucked up his hair that he wanted to grow so he was back at square one? No thank you, he was good on his own. He wanted nothing, he needed nothing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Said birthday came on a Monday this year which was paperwork day. Mails after mails and files to check to prepare the rest of the week. It wasn’t exactly the most exciting part of his work but it was necessary and allowed him to be quite independent in his organization.</p><p>After he finished, all he did what brought a bottle of champagne rosé and order a pizza before slumping naked as a newborn in front of Netflix.</p><p>His birthday was nothing more than a day like any others but he did wonder if the other Sam would have had a party or something, he was well liked, still had his family and a lot of friends. He wasn’t jealous, it was what it was. He was alive and physically okay, that was enough.</p><p> </p><p>The next day however he fell less than confident that this was what he wanted for his life. Usually, he would view these days as days of weaknesses because, as he said previously, he didn’t need anyone and you couldn’t hurt people if you weren’t close to them (normally, that wasn't how the sentence went but in his case, it applied). Today was different and so it pushed him to do something he never did in his entire life.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>What if you cleaned your Friday and Monday and we went somewhere for the week end?</em>” He texted Scott, almost regretting it right away.</p><p> </p><p>The answer came less than a minute after “<em>I knew it! Where r we going?</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Somewhere nice , away from the city, got any suggestions?</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I know just the place but let me make this a surprise for you bro</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was about to tell him not to call him bro but let it slide, just this time, “<em>Whatever, make it good then Tic Tac</em>”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They agreed to meet on Thursday evening after Sam’s work and all he knew was that it involved a little road trip and maybe the beach.</p><p>Scott was excited like a children at Christmas but the first thing Sam thought when he approached his car was that he better had better songs than Mambo Number 5 otherwise he would have to take control of the playlist himself.</p><p> </p><p>“We are going to one of Hope’s family beach houses. She is totally cool with it by the way, she even wish you happy birthday” Scott was saying animatedly while they were still stuck in New York's traffic.</p><p>“Oh, I should put some gas in before we leave”</p><p> </p><p>They stopped at a station and Sam let him do his thing while he tried to read an article on his phone.</p><p>Scott came back in and started to drive but it took some time for Sam to realize that they didn’t left the station at all and only parked away. He lifted his eyes from the phone in surprise and noticed that Scott was sweating and exuded nervousness.</p><p>A car stopped not far away and someone got out of it but Sam was so focused on Scott, waiting for the man to speak than he reacted too late when the doors from the back simultaneously opened. Initially, Sam thought it was an attack but he recognized, sitting behind Scott, the smiling face of James Barnes, dark shades on his nose, at night.</p><p> </p><p>“You almost got me there, Bird boy”</p><p> </p><p>Except, Sam knew someone was behind him too so when he turned to see Steve, he immediately reported his eyes on Scott.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you open your trunk?” Steve asked Scott who almost jumped out of his skin and pushed a button so the two men could put their bags next to the others.</p><p> </p><p>Sam grabbed Scott’s arm to force him to look at him back “You better have an explanation” he hissed, trying to lower his voice but of course with James and Steve’s super-hearing, it meant nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Remember that conversation we had the last time we saw each other?” Bucky taunted.</p><p>Yes. Sam remembered. But how did he knew about the trip? Why the hell would he brought Steve of all people? No, this was supposed to be a cool trip with one friend, not whatever hijack this was.</p><p>“Anyway, shouldn’t we be on our way?”</p><p> </p><p>Scott started the engine but Sam stopped him “Nope”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Barnes proposed “Let’s vote. If we should go to the beach now, hand up”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky rose his hand, then Steve and finally Scott while looking away from Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“And you said I could come Sam. Are you the type of man to come back on his words?” He asked in a falsely disappointed tone.</p><p> </p><p>Sam felt Steve eyes on him at Bucky’s words while himself was trying to set Bucky on fire with his mind only. Then he relaxed just as suddenly, remembering that all he needed to do was disappear at the first opportunity and end this foolishery himself. He smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“He is going to do something petty” Steve announced unprompted which made Sam’s smile disappear again.</p><p> </p><p>“How can you tell?”</p><p> </p><p>Steve rose his eyebrows “He always smile like that when he thinks about fucking someone over. I bet he dreamt of running away at the next break or something”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was honestly scandalized, how dare Steve know this?! Why was he exposing him like that?</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, he looks mad” Bucky commented “Seems like you were right. Gotta keep an eye on him”</p><p> </p><p>The two best friends were pleased with themselves but Sam was silently fuming. He didn’t need two super soldiers on his tail let alone one who hated him but he knew the madder he got, the more they would find a way to either relish in it or use it to their advantage.</p><p> </p><p>The greatest insult in that case was to ignore them even if Sam was hyper aware of Steve behind him. Eventually, his own curiosity made him break his vow of silence “Why are you here, Rogers?”</p><p> </p><p>After a short moment he got an answer “I got invited”</p><p> </p><p>“Not by me”</p><p> </p><p>“So?”</p><p> </p><p>And just like that they went back to not speaking to each other. It was stupid but what could he do about it? After a while, Steve proposed to drive and Scott gladly accepted despite Sam’s SOS eyebrow code.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, James, maybe we should change place too?”</p><p> </p><p>“No thank you, Samuel”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a little shit, you know that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Coming from you, it’s almost a compliment” Barnes smiled widely as Scott parked so they could make the switch.</p><p> </p><p>Sam was uncomfortable with Steve in his immediate periphery. He wanted to keep his eyes away but an irresistible force often managed to make him steal glances, he noticed and Steve did too.</p><p>He averted his gaze starting to feel more and more miserable. All he wanted was to have a nice week end with someone who made him laugh and forget about how shitty his life has been and what he got? The very two people who personified that.</p><p> </p><p>The Thunderbolts and the Avengers worked together on occasion since Sam left them the Soldiers and did so quite efficiently. It brought the two teams closer and that was how Scott and Steve started to be on good speaking terms. Since Barnes was a lot with Steve, well... it explained how they knew about the trip but not really why they choose to come knowing that Sam wouldn’t want them here.</p><p> </p><p>When they arrived to Hope’s family beach house after a few hours, Sam just wanted to shut down so he skipped the tour and just asked Scott where was the bathroom and where he could sleep. He vaguely heard someone saying that there was “only” three bedrooms but he didn’t felt concerned at this very moment.</p><p> </p><p>After taking a quick shower and brushing his teeth, he finally got into the designated bedroom and sat on the firm bed large enough for two. He had forgotten to close the door so when Scott passed in front of the room, he didn’t have to knock to come inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>Scott rushed to his side “I know that’s not what you expected...”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would you do this, man? I thought we were cool”</p><p> </p><p>“We are! We totally are! Come on Sam, you know I wouldn’t have accepted them coming if I wasn’t convinced that this could be good for you”</p><p>Sam scoffed “Can you trust me?” Scott asked.</p><p> </p><p>“I trust you, not them”</p><p> </p><p>Scott smiled and squeezed his shoulder “We can work with that. Get some sleep Sam”</p><p> </p><p>It took some time to let Scott reassurance calm him, then Sam nodded  “Yeah, you too”</p><p> </p><p>Once alone, Sam took a deep breathe and laid on the bed. Scott has been nothing but supportive of him from day one so whatever he had in mind couldn’t be malevolent, just a bit clumsy maybe. He hoped Barnes and Rogers weren’t using the good nature of his friend against Scott to get to him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he woke up a few hours later, it was around eleven in the morning. Barnes was in the living room, a cup of coffee in front of him and a book in one hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking about a restaurant for lunch and do some groceries shopping after” Barnes said without sparing a look to Sam.</p><p> </p><p>For a second Sam looked around, thinking Barnes was talking to someone else but they were alone in the room so he answered, unsure of why he was telling him that “Nice program, have fun”</p><p> </p><p>James lift his eyes from the book to meet Sam’s “I mean the four of us”</p><p>They kept looking at each other in silence for a minute or two before Barnes sighted and put his book on the glass table “Sam, I heard what you said to Scott last night, we aren’t here to ruin your week end, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't believe that”</p><p> </p><p>They resumed their staring contest but this time it was interrupted by Scott loud yawning as he walked into the room straight to the open kitchen side, got to the fridge, saw that it was empty and said that they should go get some food later.</p><p>Barnes’s left eyebrow went up with a cocky smile and Sam turned to leave but collided with Steve’s body which made Barnes laugh out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Steve put a hand on Sam’s arm to stabilize him “Hi?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Yeah, hi, man” Sam said, so surprised he forgot to act coldly for a second.</p><p> </p><p><em>Steve’s eyes seemed impossibly blue this morning</em>, Sam thought. He must have just got out of the shower because his hair was still damp and he was freshly shaven. The t shirt he wore was just plain white but it was one of those clothes he had that couldn’t be his actual size. He smelled something like wood and vanilla maybe that made Sam’s nose flare as he took an inspiration that was everything but discreet.</p><p> </p><p>“Slept good, Sam?”</p><p>He said nothing back because he hasn’t been listening, too busy wondering about that perfume, that one water drop in his hair or that hand still touching his skin.</p><p>“Sam?” Steve repeated, squeezing Sam’s arm and effectively snapping him out of his daydreaming.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s an interesting smell” Sam finally said softly, taking a step back to escape the magnetic pull he felt. That was ridiculous, just standing next to Steve for five seconds without fighting was enough to make him look at him with something a bit too close to lust for comfort.</p><p>Without waiting for an answer, Sam tried to turn away but the hand on his arm held him and brought him back where he was, if not closer.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice. That’s all”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh” Steve said in surprise, probably thinking that Sam was mocking him or something “Thanks. Bucky bought it for me with his first check in the new century” he explained, releasing him at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>That was a nice gift for sure, Sam turned to look at Barnes and he was looking right back, with the kind of smile that meant nothing good.</p><p>He could tell he wanted to comment of that little exchange but Sam wasn’t about to fall for it so he just made his escape to Scott, asking him what was the program of the day just to mess up with Barnes. It was the same as the previously mentioned one without any surprise but Sam still offered him a smile and a nod like this was the best idea ever.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, Sam. Just wow” Barnes said at that and Sam couldn’t keep the smugness out of his face, leaving the room to get ready shamelessly and even having the audacity to give him one last look as a fuck you.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Being angry demanded energy from Sam. At his core, he was more of an early summer sun vibes kind of man but everything became gloomy and covered in cloud since he realized he had the opportunity to get revenge for Riley and proceeded to do just that. These past months, he started to work hard to find his light again and forge a version of himself who could look toward the future once more.</p><p>He decided to take the presence of his ex and the man he murdered as a challenge to prove to himself that he was better now.</p><p>Maybe he should stop referring to Barnes as things like the Winter Soldier, the Soldier, the Assassin or the Guy I killed. On that, talking with the Barnes from the other universe has been the beginning of his road and he hadn’t brought <em>this</em> James Barnes back to treat him like his worse enemy.</p><p>When it was just the two of them, he could wear a carefully crafted mask of annoyance or indifference but with Steve and Scott here, it was harder because he has such a wide difference of feelings for each one of them that purposely trying to act different would just not work.</p><p> </p><p>He spent the whole lunch second guessing everything he reacted to, felt or said to the point of Scott advising him to go for a smoke outside before dessert when neither of them smoked.</p><p> </p><p>“You need to breathe Sam, you look like someone it going to jump you”</p><p> </p><p>“You're right, I just don’t know what to do with myself, I lost all my game, man”</p><p> </p><p>“Just be yourself. Plus, you managed to seduce these two so you know you're just that bitch” Scott added with a wink, escaping when Sam tried to catch him to let him know what exactly he thought of that little commentary.</p><p> </p><p>Well, Sam was just as awkward during dessert so it was a fail but he tried.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Contrary to what he believed initially, he was not supposed to help for the groceries. Barnes and Scott wanted to take care of it in a very not so subtle way of saying that they were about to prepare something for Sam’s birthday. He and Steve got dropped back at the beach house and if Sam felt weird during lunch, it clearly was worse just with Steve.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m going for a walk on the beach” he said, thinking that it was the perfect opportunity to escape this stifling silence.</p><p> </p><p>The walk between the house and the beach was only five minutes long and by the time Sam reached the sand, Steve had came next to him “Can I join?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is this because you think I’m going to run away?” He asked seriously.</p><p> </p><p>“No” Steve answered without offering more insight.</p><p> </p><p>Sam blinked once before taking off his shoes as to feel the sand under his feet. It was sunny enough for people to still try to bronze despite being late September but it wasn’t too crowded.</p><p>He decided to sit next to the ocean just before where the sand became damp, not expecting Steve to do the same so close they touched. His initial reaction was to move away, thinking that Steve hadn’t realized but it didn’t sound quite right.</p><p> </p><p>They stayed like this for twenty minutes or so, Sam kept wondering what was going on through Steve’s mind. Eventually he forced himself to relax, if something bad had to happen, it would happen anyway.</p><p>He wanted to lay, but forgot his towel, well, Steve may be of assistance.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I use your legs?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your legs, just...” he tapped Steve’s bent left leg so it was straight just like the other one then he turned and put his head on it like a living pillow.</p><p> </p><p>Steve made a sound that may have been of amusement and let Sam installed himself. With his belly full, the lull of the waves and Steve’s body under him, Sam started to doze off. He didn’t meant to, not believing that he would feel peaceful enough to sleep in the first place and yet he is awoken by a hand on his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re back” Steve said and it took two long seconds for Sam to remember what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>He sat, taking in the scenery for another minute, took a look at Steve, his face was unreadable.</p><p>They went back to the house, Scott had a glass of water in hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you two had fun? Hey Sam, ready for the rest of the tour?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam looked around him “I mean...I saw what was upstairs already...I slept there”</p><p> </p><p>Scott wiggled his brows “but have you seen what is <strong>downstairs</strong>?”</p><p> </p><p>He had no idea what he was referring to but a quick look at Steve and James told him that this might be of interest for some reason so he followed Scott, acting all theatrically in front of the door leading to what Sam assumed to be the basement.</p><p>It quickly appeared to Sam that this looked more like someone tried to cram a whole spa in there.</p><p>From the outside and with the two floors, the house seemed so normal but here was the “<em>We got money, hunny</em>” place.</p><p> </p><p>On the far right was a sauna and next to it a shower. Opposing it in the left corner they had put a jacuzzi and from there, you could potentially jump into the peanut formed swimming pool.</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty cool, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam didn’t answer, no, he rushed out of there and into his room to get his swimwear and throw away some unnecessary clothes he was wearing. He stopped, took a look at his scandalous speedo he thought only Scott would see (and not care about) and had a second to decide if it would stop him or not. It didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, he wasted no time” James commented, eyes analyzing him.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm taking a dip too” Scott said, taking the same direction as Sam earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Steve stayed here, looking at Sam changing before taking a quick shower in his white and gold speedo that would appear to be just a little bit transparent when wet. Not enough to be exposing Sam’s every secrets but with Steve and Barnes’s eyesight, if they focused just a little, they sure could notice a few things. Steve already knew what Sam was like underneath it but he hadn’t expected to think about it here and now. He was also aware that his best friend did not have that knowledge and he would love it if it stayed like that.</p><p> </p><p>“Earth to Rogers, Earth to Rogers” Barnes said “Are you going to stay gawking at him like that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not gawking”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, well, I’ll leave you be. Mine is not that fancy....I sure wouldn’t be able to pull that off like him”</p><p>The last part was added as if James got lost in his thoughts for a moment so Steve made a throat noise to get him moving and less focused on Sam’s body. He did hear Bucky say something about his ass however.</p><p> </p><p>Barnes walked away with a smile but Steve was still there “Aren’t you going to change?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah” Steve answered “I’ll change”</p><p>As he walked away, he gave Sam another once over that made the wet man pause. His tone had been quite weird in Sam’s opinion so it was hard to say exactly if there was some hidden message behind that. Did he had a problem with his brief? Sure it was a little bold but who cared? If anything, Sam's was the one embarrassed, he hadn't expected to expose his body to Steve, especially since he wasn't as defined as before, far from it.</p><p> </p><p>He decided to test out the jacuzzi first, utterly calm for now and admired the options on a side panel. This things must have cost an arm, considering the many things it seemed able to do, it was more indecent than his swimwear in his opinion. He adjusted the temperature then lunched a program he presumed would be calming that involved the  essential oils on one side and the water started to move, not quite bubbling yet.</p><p> </p><p>Perfect, the temperature was just perfect and he let out a pleasured moan before smiling from ear to ear in delight and closing his eyes. The jacuzzi, or whatever this gem was supposed to be, was largely spacious enough to accommodate four people so when the other joined him, he got the same exaggerated pleased sound from Barnes, a chuckle from Scott and a “hmm” from Steve that made him want to reach out to his ex like a Pavlovian response.</p><p> </p><p>Scott took the lead to show some of the spa functionalities and Barnes asked him how he could know about them so well.</p><p>He went redder, trying to keep a smile out of his face “Don’t tell anyone but Hope and I...we used to come here to hide when we started seeing each other”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me you changed the water” Sam said “I know you two did the nasty in here”</p><p>Scott laughed nervously without answering and Sam really wanted to ask again because he didn’t want to be bathing in their juices before deciding to believe that there has been some kind of cleaning done since their last time.</p><p> </p><p>Steve was facing him, eyes half opened and arms spread out in a pose that evoked debauchery in Sam’s mind. It got him out of his peaceful lethargy slowly, his mind focusing on the blond for an instant, noticing the little tug at his lips and the quick eyebrow raise. He hadn’t imagined it, Steve was looking at him back and it gave the look from earlier a new meaning. To test out his theory, he winked at his ex and saw him sit straighter, turning to Scott to engage in mindless conversation.</p><p> </p><p>So, that was how it was going to be.</p><p> </p><p>Steve must had bumped his head if he believed this little game of his could led to anything good, not with the history between them. But, eh, looking was free, he guessed. Maybe he wanted nothing anyway and Sam was just projecting, after all, he himself hadn’t had a good fuck in quite some time now and Steve was there, looking all kind of delicious.</p><p>Sex between them has always been more than good, in his opinion anyway, so maybe he was just loosing his mind and imagining meaning being innocent things. That sounded more logical than Steve looking at him with <em>want</em> when he could be dating or fucking almost anyone he wanted.</p><p>He left the tub, trying not to take another look at his ex on his way out. Putting the towel around his hips, he decided to go to the bathroom upstairs to rinse himself instead of using the shower in the basement in front of the others.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Barnes joined him in the bedroom he was using, starting to chat about anything and nothing as if Sam had invited him for tea. If at first Sam wanted to ask what he wanted and why he was here, he finally choose to entertain his conversation since he didn’t have anything better to do for now.</p><p> </p><p>“Shuri, you know Shuri? The princess from Wakanda? She insisted on making me a new arm. She just saw mine and laughed at it, can you believe that?” He asked, looking at his shinny metallic arm and visibly not finding anything wrong with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe one with a cloaking system to make it appear like a regular arm? Less in your face”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes shrugged and then changed topic “Hey, can I ask you something?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Sam answered, closing his eyes as he laid on his bed instead of sitting on it, letting out an soft yawn.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam kept his eyes closed “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you said what happened there as nothing to do with us but I need to be sure”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll let you kiss me if you have the balls to tell it to Steve beforehand” Sam answered with a smile. He was certain James would never say that to his best friend, therefore, it was the perfect way to say “no” without exactly saying no. It had the benefit of making James confront the obvious obsession he had toward this parallel world with someone who would knock some sense into him.</p><p>There was no way Steve would let that pass, so Sam had nothing to worry about.</p><p> </p><p>Well, maybe he should have worried because Barnes left and never came back. At first, Sam thought that this would be the end of it and even had the time to forget completely about that by the time he woke up from his nap after being called for diner.</p><p>He still had sleep in his eyes when he noticed the tension in the living room.</p><p>Steve had his eyes glued to Barnes, both on one side of the couch, and the long haired man had his arms crossed, obviously mad about something.</p><p>Scott had just finished to dress the table, glaring at Sam when he appeared “This was your idea?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“The kiss”</p><p> </p><p>“How was that my idea exactly?!” Sam exclaimed.</p><p> </p><p>“You said,” Barnes started “that I could kiss you if I said it to Steve first. I did”</p><p> </p><p>“And I said no” Steve rushed to point right after.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t a demand” Barnes said frustrated as if he already said the exact same thing multiple times.</p><p> </p><p>Steve got up from the couch “I swear, if you kiss him...”</p><p> </p><p>Sam completely dismissed the two of them, choosing to sit at the table instead “Looks delicious” he offered Scott even if he barely saw what had been cooked. Looked like lasagna to him.</p><p> </p><p>“No. This is bullshit. If you don’t want him, there’s no reason I can’t have my chance” Barnes said suddenly, getting up and walking straight to Sam. Of course Steve rushed behind him but he got stopped by Barnes arms on his torso.</p><p>“You said...”</p><p> </p><p>“I know what I said. Let’s get this over with” Sam calmly cut, acting more unbothered than he was. </p><p> </p><p>“Sam” Steve nothing but growled, damn he was pissed.</p><p> </p><p>Sam ignored him, bringing his palm to James’s jaw instead and set his eyes in the two grey orbs of the other man. He had no strong feeling toward him anymore and the sheer fact that Barnes was now neutral in his mind was kind of crazy.</p><p>When he went in for the kiss however, Barnes got yanked away and instead, Steve grabbed him and did it. No, it wasn’t even a kiss, it was an art performance. Sam never felt claimed the way Steve was doing, <strong>never</strong>. The possessiveness of it, how Steve had one arm on the back of his head and the other grabbing his ass made Sam’s spirit leave his body for an instant. He was making a point, which one, Sam was not sure, all he knew was that this mouth was doing magic and when Steve stopped, he felt positively dizzy and harder than James's metal arm.</p><p> </p><p>“He will never be yours” he said to his best friend the same way you would curse someone.</p><p> </p><p>The house was dead silent, Barnes jaw started moving, he was mad and maybe seemed to consider going in a physical fight with Steve.</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, Sam got back to himself, waving off the surprise and bliss he was feeling to try to make sense of what exactly just happened.</p><p> </p><p>“Can someone please explain to me what you two are on?”</p><p> </p><p>None of the two supersoldiers seemed ready to talk so it felt on Scott who was slowly but surely getting annoyed at the two other men antics.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, here’s the truth...”</p><p> </p><p>“Scott” both Steve and Barnes said at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you get your kick but now it’s over. I agreed to help you but not if it comes to this, so either your stop being bratty children or I tell him everything”</p><p> </p><p>They stopped facing each other to face Sam instead so the man took a step back because he was way too close to Steve and knew he was going to be just as pissed as everyone.</p><p> </p><p>Barnes was the one who spoke first “You said what happened between the us from the other dimension didn’t matter. I disagree. I went to Steve weeks ago and told him that if it was truly over between you two like he claimed it was,” he paused to give a pointed look at his best friend “then it didn’t matter that I was his friend and that it shouldn’t fuck my chances”</p><p> </p><p>Before Sam could say anything to that, Steve quickly added things from his perspective “Sam, you don’t know how complicated this is for me. I told you I didn’t know if I could ever forgive what you did but you tried to correct it in your own way. I see it and I can't pretend it doesn't matter. I’m still wrapping my mind around that, you know it, but I can see that you’re doing better. I tried to move on, tried to hate you with everything I had, but when we are together...it’s just so different...that’s why you avoided me for so long, am I wrong? Because when we are close to each other, there’s still this spark”</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly, Scott was not satisfied “Yeah, yeah, maybe we should talk about how you two decided to compete and used his birthday as a pretext to see which one of you could seduce him. <strong>Yes, I said it</strong>”</p><p> </p><p>Sam laughed heartily “This is the dumbest...oh, it’s true?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would Steve, who avoided you like the plague after you brought them back suddenly cared about your birthday? He only came because he knew otherwise it would have gave Bucky a free way” Scott exposed.</p><p> </p><p>Steve was pink from his forehead to his neck, mouth shut and at least a little bit shameful. Barnes however was still just annoyed “Steve cheated by kissing you without asking you first. But you know what, it’s not even that, we may not be friend right now but we are something, Wilson, I know you don’t hate me anymore, you stopped hating me before bringing me here anyway. You think I'm obsessed with them but I think you wonder about what it would be like between us too and it makes you feel guilty. Am I wrong?” He finished, copying Steve’s question.</p><p> </p><p>Sam blinked at the three of them, then, to Steve and Barnes “You got issues dudes. Scott is right, whatever game you two are playing its over” he crossed his arms above his chest “Barnes...Bucky, let’s call you that, all I am willing to offer you is my friendship. I really don't want to go down the rabbit hole. Take it or leave it”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes, no, Bucky now, smiled “Got it, doll”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was about to say not to call him doll but it didn’t matter so he closed his mouth instead and turned to Steve. What was he even supposed to say? He has been so sure this ship had sailed, crashed and sunk Titanic style that he had no coherent commentary to give.</p><p>If it has just been about not wanting his best friend and ex fiancé together, then there were other ways. With what Steve said and did, it just made everything even messier but he himself had answered the kiss with enthusiasm and his body was now in need. Good job Rogers.</p><p> </p><p>“What if we ate? I’m hungry”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we saw that”</p><p>Sam whipped his head toward Bucky, pinching his mouth in a tight line and scowling.</p><p>“Too soon?”</p><p> </p><p>“Boy, if you don't control that mouth of yours...”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky smiled and chuckled at his own joke, whispering to Scott that this was funny. Scott only said no because Sam was looking at him, they all knew that, so he turned to Steve, hopping to see the same disapprobation as him and yet saw nothing but smugness.</p><p>This was disappointing.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>The actual birthday celebration took place on the beach, by night. It involved two cakes, three bottles of rum and some gifts. From Scott, he got a masseur who seemed to appear out of nowhere to liquify Sam with his magic hands. From Bucky, he got a jean that was one size too small.</p><p> </p><p>"My ass can barely go inside!"</p><p> </p><p>"I say this is the actual perfect size" he had answered then.</p><p> </p><p>Steve offered him a vinyl by Frank Wilson. Sam looked at it carefully, "Do I love you, Indeed I do" on it. He didn't know what to say and Steve seemed more embarrassed than anything. He gave a quick thank you, of course, but somehow, he thought it wouldn't be enough. Why would Steve go through the trouble of finding this?</p><p>The whole week end perplexed Sam a lot but by the end of it, his relationship with Bucky and Steve had certainly evolved. He wouldn’t say that they were all best Bro in the whole world but he warmed up to Barnes enough that the next time he popped up at his work, annoyance wouldn’t be the first thing he felt.</p><p>Making good on his word, he finally let go of the whole fixation on trying something romantic with Sam which he was grateful for. Note that we said romantic, not sexual. It wasn’t that Bucky was ugly or had a terrible personality but, to Sam, a kiss was already toeing with the limit. He could tell Bucky would play nice, but only because he didn't want to mess his relationship with Steve. Had the Captain decided that Sam was fair game, Bucky would act very differently. Would have Sam went there, then? He had no idea and he didn't want to think about it too much.</p><p> </p><p>Steve and him started to talk like human being in the same social circle. If they were alone together however, most often at the beach, they would usually not talk at all and just stay next to each other.</p><p>It barely was enough to make Sam think that giving his number to Steve, since he asked for it at the end of the week end, was appropriate.</p><p>Nothing like the kiss happened again but it had made Sam more aware of his own physical attraction to him than ever. He was sure that Steve was somewhat interested, he was dense, not blind, but what was he supposed to do with that?</p><p>That question prompted him to think about Steve’s love life. It was just a passing thought at first, <em>has he dated since?</em> But then, he started to think that he needed an answer. He wanted to know about it despite anticipating quite accurately that the answer would not be pleasing to hear.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So, exactly five days after coming back from that week end, they met each other in a bar, only talking in the meantime to schedule that drink.</p><p> </p><p>Both of them put just a little bit too much effort in their appearance to consider this casual. It wasn’t “dress to impress” but it had that “I want you to look at me and find me hot” flavor that couldn’t be denied. Steve was back on his too tight tee shirt and Sam wore a long sleeve dark purple shirt knowing that Steve loved every shades of this color on him.</p><p>The conversation started okay, they exchanged about what they have been up to since going back to work and the conversation flowed better than what Sam had expected even if there was some uncomfortable silences from time to time.</p><p>Eventually, Sam decided to actually speak about what he truly wanted to know, subtlety be damned.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what’s up with your love life, Rogers? Heard that you were making some heads turn” Sam asked, playing the card of the noise friend, in for the gossip.</p><p> </p><p>Steve frowned “There’s none”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Not even some freaky times? There’s no way you kept it in your pants this whole time”</p><p> </p><p>“You want to know about my hookups?” Steve was perplexed.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, why not, how was the last one?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you if you tell me”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was confidant “Sure”</p><p> </p><p>Steve made his beer roll between his palms before stopping, knowing that he was getting it warm.</p><p> </p><p>“There was this woman, Maria who work at Shield, and Thor”</p><p> </p><p>“You...you had sex with Thor?” Sam repeated, quite incredulous because he couldn’t picture that at all.</p><p> </p><p>“He is good”</p><p>Sam blinked before reaching out for his drink and missing it the first time.</p><p>“And you?” Steve asked back.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh. The last one was, uh, it was kind of a party so...there was multiple people and I don’t have names”</p><p> </p><p>“You went to an orgy?” Steve asked in a perfect imitation of Sam earlier tone, not even to mock him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well...I guess yeah”</p><p> </p><p>They looked at each other, judging the hell out the man facing them. Back when they were together, Steve would have never even looked at Thor like that and Sam definitely would have not went to an orgy.</p><p> </p><p>“So Thor, uh? Thor. Wow. A whole god uh? Wow. Thor who fuck good”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Why are you saying it like that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like you got a problem with it. You can go to an orgy and catch whatever but me having this thing with Thor is a problem?”</p><p> </p><p>“This thing as in regular thing? and wait, what does that mean, catch whatever?!”</p><p> </p><p>“You know what I mean”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you ain’t trying to shame me under the guise of possibly catching an STD”</p><p> </p><p>”I mean, as long as you used condoms..."</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you man”</p><p> </p><p>Steve seemed scandalizes and for a moment, they reverted back to square one “This was such a bad idea”</p><p> </p><p>Sam readied himself for a fight “What? The orgy?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, this. Us. Talking. I don’t know what I expected..We had a great time at the beach and I thought we could start fresh but I was wrong”</p><p> </p><p>Surprised by the admission, Sam felt his anger starting to disappear “We have history. We knew better than to talk when we were alone” he joked.</p><p> </p><p>At least it makes Steve try to hide a smile even if his next words are tainted in pain “So that’s it?”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t have to be. We just have to accept that we are not the same we were when we met. Not just, knowing it, but really accept it, see what I mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Steve looked away at something beyond the other patrons before moving his focus back on Sam “I want to try” he said.</p><p> </p><p>Try was the best they could do anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>So began a new chapter in their life and it looked awfully like dates somehow. Unless Steve was on a mission, they would see each other once per week for the next two months. Bars, restaurants, movies, expos, each time started out with Sam being stressed out and gradually loosing up before eventually enjoying the company.</p><p>Even when they left on a negative note, they would schedule another meeting for the next week, dedicated to put in the work together.</p><p>It wasn’t always easy, especially when Sam learned that this thing with Thor was not a one time occurrence and kind of regular. It made the whole exchange back on Sakaar even more annoying, Thor ended up comforting his buddy Steve with his dick, how generous of him. He wasn't the only one, Maria Hill and Sharon Carter both happened to have been sharing Steve's bed once or twice.</p><p>Another thing, and maybe it shouldn’t have mattered at all but for some reasons, in Sam’s mind, it did, was that Steve’s entourage, outside of Scott and eventually Bucky, were not fan of him seeing Sam again at all. They respected their friend and leader enough not to come to Sam to try anything weird but they let their mistrust shine like a lighthouse in the night.</p><p>Sam understood why, so when Steve told him, right after a thriller movie, he had shrugged and said that he got it because he would probably never trust someone who did what he did, in Steve’s shoes.</p><p> </p><p>“How can you move on if you don’t forgive yourself? Bucky forgave you”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you?”</p><p> </p><p>They both knew that wound would probably never fully heal. No matter how much they tried, it was there, a gaping hole right between them.</p><p> </p><p>Opposite to his relationship with Steve was the one with Bucky. See, actually letting their friendship grow naturally instead of whatever they were doing before worked perfectly for them. They could easily spend hours together and make each other laugh, which surprised more than one person who knew them.</p><p>Bucky’s friends were separated in two groups, the ones still hating Sam for what he did to Steve and Bucky and the ones who thought that this was making perfect sense because they felt in love in another dimension, so obviously, they would have something there. It had been the exact same thing Bucky had repeated Sam multiple times before so Sam wasn’t surprised to see that his theory had find echoes in some people.</p><p>Bucky was still a flirt and had no problem doing it with Sam in front of witnesses. When Sam would feel generous, he would even play the part but he made sure they both knew it was all <em>for the lolz</em> and nothing real.</p><p> </p><p>It was evident that Steve was quite salty about that part of their relationship but it should also be evident for him that Sam was actually not that attracted to Bucky. Not like he was still attracted to Steve anyway. So much so that sometimes it was hard to put his mind at peace when they were both too close and not close enough and Sam wanted to grab Steve to... he didn’t know. Shake him? Push him away? Kiss him? It left an ache in him he didn’t even remember feeling before.</p><p>If at first Sam accepted to lust about his ex, it was another beast to have other kinds of feelings pointing the tip of their nose. Jealousy, serenity, happiness, he shouldn't be feeling all of this for Steve, but here he was, echoes of his buried love reaching the surface. The worse part? He had no intention of letting go again.</p><p>"<em>You're so dumb</em>" he thought about himself right after one of these pseudo non date. How long would he be able to keep up with this?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Linked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Like each year, Sam lied through his teeth when it came to Christmas.</p><p>To anyone asking about his plans, he would say multiple variant of the same program, see his family and spend a day or two with them. It was what was expected from a normal person after all, spend Christmas with their family. Except, Sam had no connection with the remaining of his family anymore and hadn’t had one of these family Christmas dinner since he was a late teenager. Loosing your parents would do that.</p><p>He didn’t want anyone’s pity on the matter so the lies came out easy like a reflex now, or he should say, came back easy for more accuracy. It would be hard to explain why he would lie about it instead of just admitting that he didn't care anymore. The other Sam didn't embarrassed himself with that. He still was close to his sister, brother and cousins.</p><p> </p><p>It had been surprisingly easy to hide it to Steve, from the moment they met to their third Christmas together, each time something convenient happened to properly justify that they spend this day together or with their close friends.</p><p>The only thing fancy he had planned this year was to get a bottle of champagne and make his own pizza. He was currently choosing said bottle at a liquor store when Bucky called him for a little chat before asking about Sam's festivities for that night. Like a perfect record, he served the exact same story he told everyone who asked, which wasn’t that many people in the first place anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Well. Steve, Nat and me are planning a game night. It’s better with four than three so we thought about you”</p><p> </p><p>“Who is “<strong>we</strong>”? Natasha sure ain’t in that “we”” Sam laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Stevie and me. But when we told her, she just shrugged so I guess she’s okay with you now. Not that it matter because you have your dinner with your family”</p><p> </p><p>Sam knew what he was doing “I can feel the air quotes when you say family, Barnes”</p><p> </p><p>“Do I really have to say it?”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you even know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Steve”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit” Sam cursed. He had been so sure Steve knew nothing about it, his ego was bruised. “I don’t want...” he started, getting on the defensive faster than a rocket.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, none of us have family anyway,” Bucky cut “so, really, we get it, you don’t have to explain anything. Nat loves bubbly things and we got a lil-sum-sum from Thor that may or may not bypass our serum. You don’t want to miss that”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, Buck...I don’t think we are there yet”</p><p> </p><p>There was some muffled sound from the other sound of the line before Bucky spoke again and repeated what someone was telling him “Falco is overrated” then, away from the line "Who the fuck is Falco?"</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? So that’s how it is?”</p><p> </p><p>Steve laugh could be heard from the other side, the little bitch. Sam couldn’t believe he would get so low to dig out this old little feud of theirs. That big blond Doritos knew exactly how to play him like a violin didn’t he?</p><p> </p><p>“So, whaddya say Sammy?” Steve asked, fully speaking into the phone now “Up for a little Christmas friendly challenge?”</p><p> </p><p>“Friendly uh? I’ll make you choke on these feathers”</p><p> </p><p>“Cocorico then. Cocorico” he said dramatically.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not what falcons do”</p><p> </p><p>“Do I care?”</p><p> </p><p>“Text me the address and the hour. You obviously need to learn some respect”</p><p> </p><p>Sam could practically hear Steve’s smile on the other side “Will do. See ya Sam”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, later Rogers”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“That’s why you avoided me for so long” Steve had said when they have been in Hope’s beach house. It sure was true.</p><p>For all the bad blood running in that river, Steve still held in Sam’s heart a special place just for him.</p><p>He had made running away from Steve and never gave them an opportunity to be alone appear quite easy. Rhodey, Sharon, Misty, they all tried to reach out to him without much success. Natasha had been the only one that managed to get close, unfortunately she managed that at the worse time possible for Sam and things turned ugly fast. He still remembered Ross screaming at his men to chase her out of Thunderbolts’s HQ and that time he used her to bait a demon against her will. For a while, shame had no place in Sam's heart but now, looking back on who he was and what he had become...He couldn't say he was proud.</p><p> </p><p>Steve and him were going to something and it wasn’t friendship. They never been friends, from the second they met, they knew a link was there and it wasn’t camaraderie that was for sure. So what was slowly but surely going on between them, Sam pretended to be blind about it. With Bucky and Scott seeing their little game, it was one thing, but how would that play out with Natasha? He wasn’t scared of her. Or maybe he was a little. Having a fight during Christmas sure was considered to bring bad juju or something, right? Well, he wanted to fight Steve to show him what was up and who was the boss, but at a video game, not playing mind games or worse.</p><p> </p><p>That stupid little black pull over showcasing his muscle, sparks of gold all over and turtleneck was a bit much, he could admit it, but where would he wear that if not tonight or a New Year party? Plus, there was this black pant, extremely simple and yet showing his ass in the best way possible that he hadn't put on in a long time.</p><p>It had been just enough time to get three expensive bottles of champagne  but he hated that he didn’t have the time to find gifts. He didn’t expect one for himself but he liked the idea to bring something. He hadn't offered a gift since when he was with Steve.</p><p>He didn’t know if that was just a little private party or if more people would attend and potentially offer him a nice cover, just in case. The address in north Brooklyn evoked him nothing but at least it wasn’t Avengers’s tower so that was already a win even if it took forever to get there in taxi. If he still had his wings, it would have not taken more than ten minutes at a slow pace.</p><p>Being an hour late was not what he had in mind and he had to turn his phone off because that second Barnes’s call and that one text from Steve got him stressed out and he needed to keep his head cool if he didn’t want to change his mind and go back to his apartment where he was safe, comfortable and wouldn’t be judged by people on this day. <em>Fuck</em>, he thought, <em>when did I get like that, anxious over a stupid little party?  I could probably kill them all if I want to...okay, not at the same time but with enough preparation...why do I think about killing them now? Wilson, keep it cute.</em></p><p> </p><p>It was a trio of six floors building that must have had a fresh paint in addition to some work done relatively recently. You either needed a code or a key to get through the portal and then said key to get inside one of the building or get buzzed in.</p><p>Sam looked for the name they gave him “<em>Lahey</em>”. Before he could say anything, the door opened so he made his way to the sixth and final floor where there was only two apartments surprisingly. The door on his left opened, revealing Natasha with long red hair, the longer he ever saw her with. Her oversize green pull over went to her knees and revealed sparkling tights without any shoes.</p><p> </p><p>“Look who finally decided to show up”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry. The traffic was horrible”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that so?” She said as if she doubted him knowing full well that New York’s trafic was shit on the regular, “Could have called one of them instead of playing dead...like usual”</p><p> </p><p>“True. I got nervous in the taxi, but I made it”</p><p> </p><p>“You did”</p><p> </p><p>It was really hard to know if that was supposed to be a good thing or not. The night was about to be long as hell if that was the tone of it. Honestly, Sam was pretty sure she would not let him in if it depended on her but Bucky poked his head out “Natalia, we talked about this”</p><p> </p><p>She put on a fake smile “Welcome, Wilson” without actually moving her body out of the door so he tried to go past her under the amused eye of Bucky and got stuck.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of showing his annoyance he showed her the bag with the champagne “They’re getting warm”</p><p> </p><p>She snatched the bag, moving to what he assumed was the kitchen and allowing him to finally enter.</p><p> </p><p>“Why inviting me?” Sam asked James without humor and totally ready to leave if the answer felt shady. Only now did he noticed the music from the living room, something pop, jazzy and old school.</p><p> </p><p>“Believe it or not, we actually enjoy your company”</p><p> </p><p>Sam shook his head “Nah. I should go. I don’t want to end this shitty year with more drama”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky caught his arm before sliding his hand until he reached Sam’s. He tolerated the gesture but still thought that he had made a mistake by coming here “Please stay. Don’t you want to see Steve?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would I...” Sam stopped at Bucky’s face, trying to give him a knowing look “Barnes, I’m going to say it once...”</p><p> </p><p>“Guys?”</p><p>Steve appeared from the kitchen with a red apron over his white shirt and a frown almost hidden by his ridiculous Santa hat.</p><p>“What’s going on? Sam?”</p><p>He saw their hands together and by the position of Sam’s body turned toward the door,he knew something was off.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like Sammy got a little hesitant, Stevie, want to take care of it? I need to keep an eye on the eggnog”</p><p> </p><p>Barnes left, patting Sam’s shoulder twice. Actually, Steve didn’t need to say anything, he just crossed his arms and looked like he was going to pout Sam into oblivion so the late man huffed and started to open his jacket without enthusiasm.</p><p>He felt self conscious now, his little (but from his pov, quite visible) pouch showing. He started to work out again but nowhere near how he did before and holiday season was just too tempting on the delicious but rich food all around. He choose to put that top on but now felt stupid for it despite knowing that this was nothing and that he never needed a six pack to look good. And who cared? He has been in a freaking speedo in front of them already and they had that conversation with Steve back at the beach house where he said he didn’t mind at all but with his eyes looking at him from head to toe like that, it was hard to feel empowered by his own choices. He doubted Steve minded or even noticed but just in case, Sam brought his jacket casually in front of him.</p><p>Steve opened a closet next to them where Sam was supposed to hang said jacket. Reasonably, he knew it was just normal behavior not to keep your coat in your hands at a party but it was like putting away his own little shield so when he did, his hesitation shown.</p><p> </p><p>“Wanna talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam didn’t look at Steve. Why was he even nervous about? He was covered from neck to toe for the love of the baby Jesus. He knew he shouldn’t have cancelled his last therapist’s appointment, he knew Holiday season tended to mess up with people’s mind a little and he fell right into it. If anything, he should be ashamed to view himself through ridiculous physical standards.</p><p> </p><p>“No”</p><p> </p><p>He tried to focus on something else instead. Even without walking into the living room, it was evident that this place must have cost some good money.</p><p> </p><p>“We worked on it our-self”</p><p> </p><p>“We?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bucky and me. He’s my roommate”</p><p> </p><p>That made some sense, Sam thought, explained the refreshed vibes he got from this place. Steve gave him a tour, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a large living room with an open kitchen and a room that looked both like an atelier and a training place.</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations, it’s really a nice place you got there” he commented once the tour was done. He knew his tone was way too dry for the emotion he was hoping to convey which was wonderment as well as healthy jealousy.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t think so” Steve said with a smile, obviously picking up on Sam’s lack of enthusiasm.</p><p> </p><p>He tried harder “I do, sorry, I’m just...you got a loft. You talked about having a place like that once or twice before” aka when they imagined where they would live together once upon a time. The reference wasn’t lost on either of them. "I really fucked up everything, uh? The team, Bucky, you, us... Sorry, I don't know why I'm talking about this now"</p><p> </p><p>"Probably because we barely talked about this before. You know, when I met the other Sam, I was so shocked..." Steve admitted "He was like you. At least, like you were before. I forgot, for a while, that you weren't actually deceiving, lying through your teeth or worse before learning about Riley. I couldn't recognize you anymore"</p><p> </p><p>"You know, at first I really thought about bringing him back to you and hope that he could be deprogrammed. But with each passing days, I couldn't stand looking at myself knowing Riley was dead. Couldn't stand you touching me because all I felt was guilt. I started hating you because you would get your best friend back and I would have to swallow that pain down, so I admit, when Tony and Zemo found me...I... I knew I wasn't about doing the right thing, I knew I was hurting you but it was about having that voice in my head stop asking me how I could be alive, thinking about marrying you when the man I was supposed to have a life with before has been transformed in nothing but little bits by the Winter Soldier" Sam explained. He knew Bucky and Natasha must have been listening as well but he couldn't stop, not now.</p><p> </p><p>"You should have talk to me Sam. I tried to push you to open up..."</p><p> </p><p>"You did", Sam agreed "but it was a dead end, Steve, don't you see? I couldn't live with myself like this. I'm not saying this as if I was right, I'm saying this because to me, this wasn't about right or wrong, this was about moving on from Riley, and I couldn't do that at the time. I just couldn't. I loved you, I swear I did, but I couldn't let go of his death and that fucking smell of burned human all up my nose when I flew where he has been a second before..."</p><p> </p><p>Sam stopped, the emotions going back full force despite thinking he was over the whole thing, his armed moved a little, as if he had wanted to hold himself for a second and changed his mind.</p><p> </p><p>"I had his blood and pieces of him on my suit Steve. It didn't matter why the Soldier did what he did. Didn't matter who gave the order, I just wanted the man ho did it dead"</p><p> </p><p>"And now?" Steve asked, voice hurt, small.</p><p> </p><p>"Now...Now I still have no idea what possessed him to show up at my work that day, despite knowing what I did to him. Now I know taking someone away from you couldn't be the only solution, even if at the time, that's the only one I could saw. My vengeance left me next to nothing, Riley is still dead"</p><p> </p><p>"Why not saving him the same way you did Bucky then?"</p><p> </p><p>Sam laughed, something that he choked on pretty quickly "You think the little stunt Strange helped me do cost me nothing? I can tell you, I don't have enough currency to pay a second round, that's for sure"</p><p> </p><p>"You choose him"</p><p> </p><p>"I choose to correct the mistake I am responsible for, that's not choosing him. I saw how he was in that other dimension, saw that he was happy. That you all were. But even there, Riley was dead, killed the same way, just by someone else. Whatever...forces are out there, they want him gone and I need more from my life than hating myself forever. Did Bucky told you how our first conversation here went?"</p><p> </p><p>Sam looked in the direction of the other two, they must have been somewhere near but still in the living room "Not in details"</p><p> </p><p>"I thought he was going to off me. And I felt okay with that. I would have never believed that I could be one of these person to be okay with dying, especially after everything I went through. But I was so tired with myself...Of course he wasn't there for that but I wasn't even happy about it"</p><p> </p><p>"You were depressed Sam, you lost your job, your team..."</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah. I talked to a specialist about that by the way. Anyway, what I wanted to say was, it felt weird for a second to imagine a world where I wouldn't have screw you over and we would be living in something like this"</p><p> </p><p>"It's not..." Steve stopped himself, looking for his words and gave up whatever thought he previously add, choosing another approach "I want to go beyond that Sam, beyond the hurt. Can we do that?"</p><p> </p><p>"How? When you can't trust me"</p><p> </p><p>Steve scoffed and offered Sam a smile "I don't believe it's true"</p><p> </p><p>"Man..."</p><p> </p><p>"You don't trust yourself, but I trust you and I believe you won't throw that away again" Steve said, putting his hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezing one time.</p><p> </p><p>"That sounds like a threat"</p><p> </p><p>"Because it is one" Steve winked then guided them back to the living room where Natasha and Bucky were arguing, or rather, pretending to argue,  about some margarita recipe.</p><p> </p><p>Sam passed the next ten minutes in relative silence. He was trying to warm up but after that conversation, his heart wasn't exactly in the best place. It was nice to see Steve happy. There was no ulterior motive tot hat statement, Sam was just content to know that Steve was happy. He thought that was an innocent feeling enough to appreciate someone smiling and goofing around. Plus, it distracted him from Natasha and the moment she seemed to remember that she hated him.</p><p>To be fair, she was playing nice, it was mostly ignoring each other and since Sam actively redirected every question his way, he didn’t even have the opportunity to say anything usable against him later.</p><p> </p><p>Playing Smash however was not a peace bringer.</p><p> </p><p>They decided to play with the four of them at the same time plus two AI, it became everyone for themselves quickly. This no alliance policy claimed Bucky first, the poor guy just had a gift to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, often taking hits that weren’t initially for him. He accused Steve and Natasha of doing this on purpose, his best friend said that he just didn’t want to be hit and Natasha confessed that she was trying to get to Sam. Unfortunately for her, this small distraction was enough for Sam to get her back and send Sheik flying away. She reappeared right on time to get a hammer but when the tip flew off and her character hammered nothing but air, Bucky and Sam laughed. Sam really didn’t want to mock her but at least he didn’t pushed her out of the screen without any possibility of recovery like Steve did.</p><p>In the end, it was Sam against Steve and they just didn’t want to die. after a few minutes, a poorly thrown pokeball and a final smash correctly placed managed to end Steve’s Captain Falcon last life. The screen changed to congratulate the winner but none of the player wanted to do the same in real life right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Another one” Natasha immediately said, not letting Sam any chance to get a gracious out.</p><p> </p><p>He did loose eventually, but still ended up winning more than anyone else.</p><p>When they sat down to eat, the ambiance was not exactly stellar, none of them taking loosing all that well and accusing others of sabotage. The food was good thought, Sam would give them that. There was no way they actually cooked all of it but he really didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>“That green bean casserole? Hm hm hm hm hm hm hm! That’s the life”</p><p> </p><p>There was a silence before Natasha muttered “I did it”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?, Damn I don’t even care if it’s poisoned, it’s delicious”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I should have” she said, turning away so Sam wouldn’t catch on her satisfied smirk that, unfortunately for her, was now on full display for Steve and Bucky.</p><p> </p><p>After this little episode, whatever was between Natasha and Sam got a bit warmer. Not friendly, but just warmer. Enough at least for Bucky and Steve to jump on it for all it was worth and try to get this night finally feel less tense.</p><p> </p><p>There was enough place in this apartment for Natasha and Sam to both sleep here. Natasha did but Sam declined. He scrunched up his nose when Steve suggested it around three in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, but let’s not push it” he said, playfully punching Steve’s shoulder before gathering his things.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay” Steve said without insisting “You had fun tonight? Not in the beginning, but after?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam perceived some anxiety in his voice, it came to a little bit of a shock that Steve would want his opinion.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah Rogers. It was fun”</p><p> </p><p>“Good...It’s good”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You want to say something, just say it” Sam said, curious to know why Steve would suddenly act coy. They were way past that. Or maybe they weren’t, maybe they were in the kind of normal they never had been since the minute they met, all flirting, excitement and danger from that first “On your left”. Now they decided to be careful in their words and not act on the very easy way they would touch each other once upon a time. You didn’t need to be that careful with a friend, Sam knew.</p><p> </p><p>“There this party for new year...”</p><p> </p><p>Sam chuckled as soon as Steve started. He thought Steve was playing a dangerous game but he couldn’t say that to him without sounding accusatory and without risking looking like he was projecting. Was he projecting? Was he secretly wishing for Steve to look at him like that? To think about him as something beyond a friend? Was he just incapable of being friend with him and hoping for an excuse to cut him off his life?</p><p>On the other side, it was hard to think Steve would try that route again. No, he was a lot of things but not dumb, even if he may have a little lust left for Sam, that would be just it. It had to.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what, send me the info, not making any promises, Steve”</p><p> </p><p>He probably knew he wouldn’t get anything better tonight so he let Sam go with a nod and a smile. The Steve Rogers smile that said that he may have lost a battle but war was not over, Sam knew that one by heart.</p><p> </p><p>That was a game Sam wasn't sure he could win.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>New Year’s Eve came way too fast and Sam wanted to refuse that invitation.</p><p>He had just learned that Thor was hosting and Sam was not going to a party thrown by Steve’s fuckbuddy. He already had to deal with Natasha for Christmas and he clearly wasn’t off the hook, why should he do a repeat again and actually worse this time because the rest of the two teams would probably be there too?</p><p> </p><p>Even Bucky hadn’t tried to convince him to come, he probably knew better. Steve didn’t thought it thought, no way.</p><p> </p><p>It was the 31, 22h07 and Sam received the first message from Steve, checking that he would come. Sam decided to simply answer “no”. It was clear, concise and didn’t invite further questions, so what Steve did? Ask a question.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not going to ur dickpointment’s party and just so u know, a lot of people hate me”</p><p> </p><p>He deliberately spoke crudely to get Steve mad and off his back. It seemed to work for all twenty minutes before someone knocked on his door, making him jump scare on his couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Either you open the door...” Steve’s voice said “Or a break inside and I won’t pay for it. Your choice”</p><p> </p><p>Sam opened quickly, annoyed as hell “What the fuck?”</p><p> </p><p>“I get why you don’t want to come but please, reconsider”</p><p> </p><p>“Give me a valid reason, Rogers” he said, knowing the last name thing would not fly.</p><p> </p><p>“Come, for me”</p><p> </p><p>Steve had said that with his eyes dead set in Sam’s. This man was serious and it threw Sam off balance.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d rather stay at home”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Steve closed the door being him after fully stepping inside “let’s stay here then”</p><p> </p><p>Sam laughed, openly mocking him “Yeah right, you’re going to miss a party with all your friend for nothing. You put on a nice suit, it would be a shame if no one got to see it, Rogers”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t call me like that”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s your name, Rogers”</p><p> </p><p>“I know what your trying to do, but I’m not leaving so you can keep trying or we can see how to make the most of this night together”</p><p> </p><p>Sam crossed his arms above his chest, puffing it “You think I can’t throw your ass outside? Go back to ThunderDick or whatever”</p><p> </p><p>Whatever Steve was initially going to say got lost somewhere, instead, his eyes turned suspicious, then amused “You’re jealous of Thor because we had sex”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really not”</p><p> </p><p>“The second I told you, I saw it”</p><p> </p><p>“You can fuck whoever you want, this is not my business and I don’t care” Sam lied, knowing Steve could tell “I don’t need to go to a party hosted by your future boyfriend”</p><p> </p><p>Steve laughed “You’re so ridiculous, you know that?” He took a step in direction of Sam, getting them close enough to touch.</p><p>“Maybe if you stopped trying to bottle up your feelings for once...”</p><p> </p><p>Sam didn’t need Steve’s observations right now, he just wanted him to shut up so he grabbed Steve’s neck with one hand and brought him to his lips. To say Steve answered that kiss fast was an understatement, he could have initiated it himself with how much he put into it.</p><p>Whatever inner battle Sam had, he lost. He wanted Steve, here and now. No matter how much of a bad idea it would be considered, he didn't care anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Some people say hate sex was the best, Sam disagree, the best sex was when you fought to pleasure the other one, in his opinion. That’s how it went, way too tender, too enjoyable, too tuned on each other. Too much.</p><p> </p><p>What Steve did to him made <em>I love you</em>’s bang behind his lips, threatening to spill on them like Steve made his spill his cum on both of their sweaty bodies after what feels like hours of sweet agony. Steve kissed him deep and dirty after that, absorbing his moan when he pulled out of his ass to wank himself and eventually finish to ruin Sam’s sheets. He should feel gross but when Steve laid on top of him, heart beating too fast and head tucked against his neck, all he wanted to do was to pass his hands in the man’s hair, so that was what he did until the two of them felt asleep.</p><p>The last coherent thought Sam had was that he wanted to move on too, and wanted to do it with the man in his arms.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Past, present, future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Sam woke up alone in the bed with the certainty that he simply dreamed the night prior. He didn’t care about what time it was so he got back to close his eyes and let sleep took him away one more time. When he woke up the second time, everything was just as peaceful, he groggily grabbed his phone, there was a few texts that he didn’t bother reading, just to check on the hour, 10h34. It was quite weird how realistic that dream has been, Sam even got arches in his tights to match.</p><p>He got out of bed and immediately felt an unpleasant sensation under his right barefoot. One look on the ground and he saw it, a discharged condom.</p><p>After the initial wave of disgust and vague annoyance, Sam felt perplexed then realized that no, it wasn't a dream at all. Steve and him had sex, on New Year’s Eve, just like that. A quick roundabout in his apartment informed him that his ex was indeed gone, note a word, not a text, nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy fucking New Year to me” he let out in defeat.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>On the 2nd of January, Sam went to work, serving platitudes and lies to people asking what he did for the new year when they really wanted to know and redirecting the question easily for the ones that only wanted to talk about themselves anyway.</p><p>He really could have done without that question and considered telling the truth once or twice but he shouldn’t start his year salty and annoyed. Okay, it was too late for that, but he could still change his attitude starting now. Nose deep into some papers and files he needed to get in order, the day flew by too slowly. Days without a single cession with vets were boring and way too long for his tastes but he pushed through without dozing off a single time.</p><p>The sudden opening of the door by a fully geared Bucky Barnes did scare him enough to have him point his hidden gun on his friend.</p><p> </p><p>“BARNES?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Sam...Happy new year...Seems like it started good” he said, his tone weird and almost shy instead of teasing like his implication of Sam’s night should have.</p><p> </p><p>Sam put the gun on the table, trying to pull himself out of this focus mode he used when he was an Avengers.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you to call before coming here, man, I could have popped your head”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, true, both it’s kind of an emergency”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky then proceeded to explain why he was there. Through loopholes and probably some blackmailing of powerful people, Ross managed to block the Avengers (which now had every ex Thunderbolt outside of Sam) while simultaneously declared war to the Afterlife and secretly planning to bomb it.</p><p> </p><p>“No one can legally do anything, which wouldn’t be that big of a deal to ignore, except the President involved himself and got the whole team in the Raft”</p><p> </p><p>“How are you here then?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not an Avenger” Bucky answered with a shrug “Also, Daisy is over there with other Inhumans so we need to warn them fast. She didn’t listen to Steve so I really hope she’ll listen to you”</p><p> </p><p>“Me?! Why would she listen to me?”</p><p> </p><p>“You are her leader”</p><p> </p><p>“I <strong>was</strong>” Sam insisted, he ceased to be a leader months ago, what the hell was he talking about?</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think it worked that way. Are you coming or not? I need you”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was supposed to be done with this life but there was no way he would let his ex teammate get bombed. What Ross was trying to do was a genocide but it was nothing new under the sun, this guy breathed “<em>Control or destroy</em>”. It wasn’t the first time he tried to get a hold on the whole Vigilante/Superhero thing, but it was the first time his plan actually worked to this extent.</p><p> </p><p>“I got something for you” Bucky announced when they reached the horribly parked, large black car.</p><p> </p><p>On the back, a suitcase that he promptly opened to reveal the Falcon suit inside. Sam didn’t asked how he put his hands on it, but as soon as he touched it, his trusted AI activated.</p><p> </p><p>“Red! I missed you so much buddy”</p><p> </p><p>The flock of drones activated, floating around him in what could be considered a happy dance.Stepping out of his Falcon suite had meant putting Redwings to rest unfortunately. Sam was just glad to have him back.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw videos of you, very impressive” Bucky commented while they were on the road to the super secret jet supposed to fly them to Afterlife.</p><p> </p><p>It made Sam smile,a part of him did miss the action. It wasn’t that he was unhappy with his current life, just that after being in the military, then an Avengers and a Thunderbolt...it left a mark on him, a need. Well, changing in a driving car was not exactly something he was missing and he did had to say "Keep your eyes on the road" to Bucky twice, this man was shameless.</p><p>Bucky filled him on everything he needed to know but their only chance was to convince Jiaying and Daisy to find a solution that would not start the war Ross so desperately needed to maintain his fragile position.</p><p> </p><p>“We have twenty four hours before Ross is officially allowed to attack,” Bucky informed “He has no choice but to wait for the Senate to vote and I know for a fact that they won’t be able to vote earlier than that”</p><p> </p><p>Well, they better be convincing then.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sam never put a single foot in Afterlife. First, he wasn’t an Inhuman, which, you know, was a good reason in itself, and second, he had no previous opportunities to do so.</p><p> </p><p>It looked like a camping with lots of bungalows and tents but it also had some small houses here and there. It seemed kind of peaceful and the view was breathtaking, especially with the way the sunset painted everything in shades of yellow and oranges. The welcome committee let them put the jet down and get out of it before trying to shoot them. At least Daisy and Jiaying were both there so they could immediately explain to them why they were trespassing.</p><p> </p><p>Two minutes in, and it was clear that Jiaying wanted to go to war while Daisy hoped to avoid it. Sam suggested that they only pretended to give Ross what he wanted, which meant evacuating everyone and let him bomb the whole place but his plan was not popular. While everyone but Daisy’s mother wanted to de-escalate, she was still the one in charge.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to send a clear message, otherwise they will never leave us be” she had said with gravity.</p><p> </p><p>“Then show them that you could strike just as strong if not harder but without any casualties”</p><p> </p><p>Daisy jumped on Sam idea “I know how to do that. I could hack into the bombs programs and give them the fear of their life”</p><p> </p><p>Jiaying was out for blood but after an hour, she decided to let her daughter have her way, not without an advertisement “You better make your point clear, if they ever try something like this again, we will strike, and I’m not afraid to wipe out the rest of America”</p><p> </p><p>Being in the presence of someone like her was perplexing to Sam. He met villains who would have happily bring the Apocalypse on the whole world but never in this kind of context, when they had to work together. Once upon a time, he was a “Cool motive, still murder” kind of person, then he became “An eye for an eye” type of guy. None of this would work here, Ross only understood power, so it was nothing more than a metaphorical dick contest.</p><p> </p><p>Daisy alone couldn’t hack into the military’s access of the bombs in such a short time so they had two other people to help out. Since their contribution was done, Sam and Bucky had been granted a tent not far from Jiaying’s house (so she could watch over them).</p><p> </p><p>“You think they can pull it off?” He asked, currently laying next to Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“She is one hell of a hacker, if it doesn’t work, she’ll let us know. I’m annoyed that they didn’t consider a plan B thought”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure we should stay here? We could use the jet”</p><p> </p><p>“If we do this,” Sam started to explain “it’ll sent a bad signal. We need to show that we trust Daisy with our life”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean...I don’t”</p><p> </p><p>Sam laughed, hitting Barnes on the top of his head lightly in a gentle reprimanding way. All they could do now was waiting.</p><p> </p><p>“Thor pretended not to be mad that Steve showed up awfully late to the party. T’was funny”</p><p> </p><p>Sam went still, why would Barnes tell him that? Why now? “What are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>Bucky smiled at him, Sam understood right there that he must knew everything about that night. He couldn’t believe Steve would tell him that.</p><p> </p><p>“You two are ridiculous, I swear”</p><p> </p><p>“Man, shut the hell up” he turned away from the other man, checked on his phone for a moment before pushing it back into his pocket and closing his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Thor kissed Steve”</p><p> </p><p>Sam’s eyes shoot open but he otherwise didn’t move. Bucky could still pick on the fact that he was wide awake and getting angry and jealous by the seconds, being so close.</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t get your shit together,” Bucky continued “you’ll lose. I need you to get that, Wilson. You will lose him”</p><p> </p><p>Sam thought the two of them were just occasional fuck buddies, he had no idea feelings were involved somewhere. He couldn’t believe Steve would just leave without a fucking work, go to a party and kiss Thor. Sam felt dumb, he thought they had a moment...no it was just sex, and it was meaningless apparently.</p><p> </p><p>He closed his eyes again and forced himself not to let his feelings get the best of him, he was here on a mission and that was the only thing that mattered.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sam could admit that seeing the missiles fly right toward them scared him, even with the five Inhumans supposed to be able to stop them should Daisy and the others fail. When they changed direction to go back to where they were coming from, he let out a satisfied sight.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, if one of these missile accidentally escape your control and actually gets to them, I won’t be mad”</p><p> </p><p>“Mom! Please, we already got over this”</p><p> </p><p>The matriarch rolled her eyes and Bucky and Sam shared a concerned look, she was scary,</p><p> </p><p>At the last moment, the team directed the missiles in the sky and detonated them instead of letting them destroy the military base they had been fired from. After that demonstration, they got the assurance that their point came across. Afterlife would not be declared a sovereign nation but they would be left alone. It must have helped that they had a guy who could teleport and did so in the Senate to explain that if it was war that they wanted, they should personally be prepared to die.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you guys, it would have turned really ugly if you hadn’t shown up” Daisy thanked them once the President himself stepped in to stop things to escalate again.</p><p> </p><p>That failed attempt at wiping out this refuge was not a good thing for him at all and with the press already starting to go berserk on him, he knew he shouldn’t have listened to Ross. About that man, they had no clue what would happen to him or where he was for now.</p><p> </p><p>“They still tried to murder us” Jiaying said to temper her daughter relief.</p><p> </p><p>“And you still put micro Terrigen crystals into that vitamin supply, prompting the involuntary transformation of hundreds and the deaths of thousands” Sam countered, his eyes right in hers so she knew he didn’t forget.</p><p> </p><p>She smiled “Funny that you should bring the topic, you can try to go through Terrigenesis if you want, as a thank you gift”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not a gift if we die” Bucky commented then, already impatient to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“A little bird told me than one of you would survive the experience”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Daisy was surprised, she suspected that her mother had a way to identify Inhumans even if they didn’t had their powers yet but had no proof of it. This was the beginning of the confirmation she was looking for and the real reason she had been there in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Sam and Bucky didn’t add anything to that, instead they said their goodbye, not wanting to overstay their welcome so they went back to the jet.</p><p> </p><p>When Sam heard him give a set of coordinates to the pilot, he frowned “Where is this? This isn’t New York”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, told you the others are in the Raft, we are getting them out”</p><p> </p><p>“Are we allowed to get them out?”</p><p> </p><p>“They are innocent, Ross put them here, plus the President is shit. So yes”</p><p> </p><p>Sam stayed silent but the way he planted himself in front of Bucky was worth a whole discourse. Of course Bucky knew why Sam didn't want to go there but he still needed him and maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't go as bad as the other man believed. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder and pressed one time "Trust me" it was to say. Sam let out a sight and sat , waiting for them to leave.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The Raft had sentinels to stand guard. Sam went to the future once and saw what they would become, for now, they were just glorified robot with lasers but soon enough they would reach Terminator level of creepy and after that, they will change to something far more dangerous. He didn’t understand how they could let this program continue, someone needed to put a stop on it before they attacked on sight anyone who only had the possibility to pass the X gene or any kind of abilities via reproduction or other meanings.</p><p> </p><p>Bucky and him weren’t seen as enemies so they were able put the jet on the floating prison and ask for the responsible of the place to come have a talk. It was their day of luck, the woman in charge, a tall and muscular figure with dark skin, short locks and large hips, was not happy with having to keep the Avengers in there. She, more than most, knew how this place wasn’t about justice but about punishment. A lot of people here weren’t even locked up for a real crime but because the government decided to put them away for a variety of reasons. Of course there was some real fucked up people in the Raft, but they weren’t the majority when you truly looked at it.</p><p>She already knew of the President and Ross ridiculous stunt against the team and had her hands tied just like them, but you could tell Danielle Michalak was not one to think that the Government could do no wrong. At least, she gave them a heads up about the prisoner being kept under whatever was needed to be sure they were nothing more than regular humans unable to escape. It wasn’t pretty, especially with people whose very physiology could be used as weapon.</p><p>Sam and Bucky knew better than to comment on the matter, even as they reached the first cell with Wanda in it and a shock collar around her neck. She said nothing when she saw them until the collar was off.</p><p> </p><p>“I should make the whole thing fly into the sun”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe another day, we are getting everyone out” Bucky informed her.</p><p> </p><p>“How? Daisy?”</p><p> </p><p>“She is okay, everyone in Afterlife is okay”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and followed them, not without looking at Sam then moving on.</p><p> </p><p>When Bucky had said that she got everyone, it didn’t occurred to Sam that everyone included Scott for some reason so he genuinely was shocked to see him there. From what Sam knew, everyone but Bucky and Daisy (because she already was on her own mission) had accepted to get arrested which may be the reason why they looked tired but otherwise not physically wounded.</p><p>The last one on their way was Steve, Sam stayed in the back as Natasha and Bucky helped him during the minute it would take for the effect of the gas they put into his cell to wear off.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, when he demanded what happened, Bucky had to say Sam’s name. At least Steve waited till the end to ask “Is he okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“You can ask him that yourself Rogers” Natasha answered with a roll of his eyes and a smirk, mocking him for not noticing Sam yet while he has been there the whole time.</p><p> </p><p>Sam pretended not to have listened anything but the whole group parted like the see so Steve could actually see his ex fiance.</p><p> </p><p>“You were here the whole time?” Steve asked, feeling a bit like a fool.</p><p> </p><p>“Well. Yes. Maybe we should hurry to the jet and leave? I’m sure everyone wants to go back to their life as soon as possible”</p><p> </p><p>“If I didn’t knew better,” Natasha said “I would believe Sam is shy”</p><p> </p><p>“He totally is” Bucky agreed, throwing his friend under the bus.</p><p> </p><p>Scott decided to give is own input “Come on guys, let him breathe, he just freed his ex from an horrible prison after having helped save hundreds of lives, this isn’t romantic at all”</p><p> </p><p>Some laughed and Steve coughed to mask how pink he was before motioning for everyone to get out of here.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Thing was, Sam’s old team may be a bit salty at his abrupt departure, going behind their back to get Bucky and not reaching out since living, but they also missed him and it was good to be together, it felt like old time. Because the two teams became one, the others couldn’t really avoid the magnetic pull of Sam and how happy the others seemed. After having spent so many years hating on him, shouldn’t they turn that page for good, Steve himself and Bucky liked him so what would be the point in keeping bad feelings toward him anyway?</p><p>Plus, it was evident that something was going on between the two almost married. They didn’t share much words, Steve said sorry to Sam and Sam said that it didn’t matter, prompting Steve to say that it did and that he shouldn’t have left like that.</p><p>They said nothing more, but it was enough for certain people to put one and one together, namely, Natasha, who wondered when exactly they would have had the time to see each other and for Steve to be the one to leave without a note.</p><p> </p><p>“By the way, Steve, why were you late to Thor’s party?” Natasha asked as innocently as she could. The jet wasn’t that big and they were around ten in there, so everyone heard that question.</p><p> </p><p>Steve glared at her, very much not answering and thus, picking the curiosity of their friends.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, didn’t you arrived around three or something?” Wanda asked “did you got another party?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I...”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe it was a private party,” Natasha continued “the kind for two exclusively. Am I wrong, Rogers?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nat”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn Steve, your face...” Clint commented, seeing Steve’s pink spots from his forehead to his neck, he actually pitied him, when Natasha was on something, she would not let it go, whatever she was insinuating will be brought to light sooner rather than later.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you cheating on Thor?”, Hope asked.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not dating Thor!”</p><p> </p><p>“You are dating Thor?!” Sam couldn’t stop the question to escape his lips, neither could he stop the shock and slight hurt in his voice to be very noticeable.</p><p> </p><p>“No!”</p><p> </p><p>“Does he know that?” Clint added in a joking tone that made everyone but Natasha, Bucky, Steve and Sam laugh. "Because I saw that kiss"</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Sam pinpointed the exact moment something in him shifted and he allowed this mess to happen, he shouldn’t have talked to Steve that day he came back through the portal. He had been in a vulnerable place, saw his ex fiancé and just...He had been stupid. After a moment however, he let serenity wash over him as he refused to make a scene here, that was without taking in count Steve’s stubborn ass. The Captain waited all but four minutes, which didn’t let that much time before they landed in New York, before approaching Sam with a decided look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Sam”</p><p> </p><p>“Thor’s boyfriend” Sam answered, salty as hell and jealous enough for the pilot to feel it from where they were.</p><p> </p><p>“I am not...can you please listen to me? This is ridiculous”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought he was just a booty call!” Sam accused, trying to aim for keeping his voice to a whisper “Now I hear about cheating and whatnot, so what is the truth?”</p><p> </p><p>Steve sat next to him “He made his move a few weeks ago”</p><p> </p><p>“Great”</p><p> </p><p>“I went to his party because I knew I had to put an end to whatever was going on, that kiss, it was just that. I got caught before I could talk to you”</p><p> </p><p>Sam blinked “Talk to me? For what? So you could wedge your options?”</p><p> </p><p>“My options?!” Steve repeated more loudly, goodbye attempt at discretion “Are you fucking kidding me, Sam?! I ran after you for years and you gave me nothing back until New Year and only because I came, as usual. You know why? Because you have been the only real option for me since I knew you, you stupid dickhead. I know somewhere in there you want me just as much as I want you”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh wow man,” Sam chuckled coldly “So let’s just date again and say fuck you to everyone. Let’s do it Steve!” He added in a mocking tone that had way too much of a dare, even Sam realized that.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Let’s do it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine” Sam repeated, maybe because he wanted to have the last word. Still, he was annoyed as hell now and crossed his arms, a gesture Steve mimicked.</p><p> </p><p>“This is the most absurd...”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Bucky”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. can it, Barnes”</p><p> </p><p>Steve looked at the others “And if you got a problem with it, you all can shove it hard up your...”</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down, cowboy. Jesus Christ” Sam muttered, Steve could be so extra. Okay, he was just as terrible but there was no need to be this graphic.</p><p> </p><p>The others looked at each other in concern but otherwise choose to pretend to ignore the two men. The second Sam uncrossed his arms for no specific reasons, Steve grabbed his hand so he could bring their now meddling fingers in his own lap by sitting next to him.</p><p> </p><p>Sam felt warmth rise into his whole body, trying to cover that with a nasty glare at the blond, which he totally ignored because he already knew Sam didn't really meant it anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, landing at the Avengers’s HQ felt weird because what now? When he said that they should date again, he expected Steve to say something along the lines of “Of course not, let’s take our time” so, congratulations Wilson, you played yourself.</p><p>It was too late to take a step back so, guess he had a boyfriend now. To be fair, he liked the idea to be with Steve again but would that work this time? How to successfully manage a relationship when you didn’t trust yourself?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Steve Rogers wasn’t here to play and he said so to Sam the very next day. He has been on his way to be Mister Steve Rogers-Wilson or Mister Steve Wilson-Rogers and that was his goal. Actually, Sam had been surprised that Steve decided to actually talk so they could be on the same page, he knew of the biggest insecurities Sam had so the other man had no choice but to address them.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t predict the future but you can make your own choices, Sam. I expect you to handle things differently if we ever go through another rough path. As in, you know, communicate and maybe take in consideration my point of view as well. I'll be more supportive as well”</p><p> </p><p>Communicate. How something so basic could actually make Sam pause? He was leading sessions for people to talk for fucks sake. He knew how to communicate. Outside of a relationship.</p><p> </p><p>“I will. But let’s not rush things too much, we can’t start where we were, you know that, right?”</p><p> </p><p>In Sam’s small apartment, everything they said seemed almost more important. Maybe it was because when it was just the two of them, Sam never managed to correctly put on a convincing facade to hide behind. Or maybe because when Steve really focused on him, he was able to see through the cracks.</p><p> </p><p>“But do you want to start again?”</p><p> </p><p>The question was open. Sam could still take the exit before it was too late, he knew however that if he responded positively, it would be an engagement of some sort. To him, the answer came naturally and he knew he wouldn't regret it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>~Months later, in another dimension~</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, sometimes I forget how handsome I am”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?!” Sam jumped his couch, Bucky, Steve and Natasha all in a fighting stance as they stared at the closing blue portal that appeared in the middle of Sam’s living room a minute earlier on this fine Friday evening.</p><p> </p><p>“Samuel?” Bucky asked.</p><p> </p><p>“The one and only,” he winked at his double “or something like that”</p><p> </p><p>Gaining his composure back, Sam scowled “How are you here? What did you do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Me? Nothing, I promise”</p><p>Sam was unconvinced at best.</p><p>“Just thought that it would be nice to come here and say hello, have a little chat, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>Steve, Bucky and Natasha marginally relaxed, they found this Sam Wilson more annoying than their own but he was still "him".</p><p> </p><p>“Next time, can you like send a warning or something? Don’t just pop in people’s place uninvited, please”</p><p> </p><p>“What?,” Samuel said to his other him “No mi casa es su casa? That’s cold”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope,” Sam smiled “mi casa es mi casa”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn dawg,” Samuel saw the little table in front of the couch and immediately knew which one of the drinks was Sam’s so he grabbed it just because he could and took a sip “Not bad. So, what’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam couldn’t believe his doppelgänger was really here to talk but since he sat comfortably on the couch, he decided to humor him a little. After twenty minutes, it really seemed like he was here to catch up. Sam noticed that he moved at one point so he was next to Steve, a Steve who was totally oblivious.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Barnes, are you treating me good? Do you make me happy? Be careful, I’ll know if that’s not the case” Samuel asked, touching his nose as to imply that he shared some kind of psychic connection with this Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“Ask him” Bucky huffed, trying to hide behind his beer.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m good” Sam confirmed “We’re good. It’s been a year and a half” then he took Bucky’s hand in his like this was the most natural thing in the world.</p><p> </p><p>Samuel smiled at them, his hand starting to play with Steve’s hair, his was way shorter than the Steve of his world. Steve looked at him, then the others, then at Samuel again.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Don’t you like to have your hair played with?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes but...not...by...umh...you? Sorry”</p><p> </p><p>Samuel pursed his lips, still seeing a flush of pink of this Steve’s neck. Fascinating.</p><p> </p><p>The portal opened in one go, letting the other Steve in before closing abruptly.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, leave this other me alone” his Steve, let’s call him Steven, said while crossing his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t tell me he did something shady again,” Sam complained.</p><p> </p><p>Steven looked stern for a few seconds before smiling “Actually, he is behaving good lately”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was relieved and Samuel rolled his eyes while Steve scooted closer to Natasha to avoid being too close to Samuel.</p><p> </p><p>“About that,” Samuel said to the group but more especially to Sam “I wanted to thank you. You have been an inspiration to me. Don’t laugh, I’m serious” he chastised as Sam’s scoffed in disbelief. He put on a more serious face “I did a lot of fucked up things but when I came back, I had opportunities to try to right some wrongs,” he explained “and I often wondered what you would do in my place, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>Sam could recognize that his double was serious so he felt flattered and proud. In his own way, he did the same...but more as to what to avoid to do guideline. Yet, he truly had wanted Samuel to do and be better. When he handled him over to Steve, he knew there was a chance he would be killed but he also trusted the other Steve to, hopefully, give Samuel the chance to be a better man. Maybe it worked.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. I’m glad you're a better man”</p><p> </p><p>Samuel looked thoughtful for a moment “Well, we should go. Sorry for this”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait” Sam said, walking to his double before taking him in his arms “I’m proud of you. Really”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Sammy. Means a lot to me”</p><p> </p><p>They parted and Steven opened another portal, waiting for Samuel to join him. When he did, he couldn’t resist to tease his friends and purposely caught his Steve’s jaw to give him a peck, making his boyfriend smile”</p><p> </p><p>“HEY! NOW WAIT A S-“</p><p> </p><p>Samuel laughed at the cut sound of Sam’s voice from the other dimension.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re always so dramatic” Steve said.</p><p> </p><p>“You happily jumped in it, don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy that”</p><p> </p><p>“I just enjoy kissing you Wilson” Steve said from their own couch once he sat.</p><p> </p><p>Sam straddled him “You’re a terrible liar” he said before kissing him again, deeper this time. When Steve started to show signs of wanting more, Sam started to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Looking into Steve’s eyes, Sam let himself find strength there. He wanted nothing more than walking alongside this man and prove everyday that he was becoming the best version of himself, someone not only deserving of Steve’s love but more importantly, making <strong>himself</strong> proud.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you had some fun reading this :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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